in the whites of his eyes, there's a supersonic vibe

sometimes i just wanna go on and on and on and talk non-stop and reveal all, from my insecurities to my hopes, feeble as they are, to my deepest not-so-darkest secrets.

and have someone analyse it and tell me what i already know.

the reason i very much want a shrink is because i think it'll be exciting to have someone listen to you and analyse you and compare you to scientific case studies just so they can attempt to identify whatever mental ailment you may have.

i, on the other hand, am one-of-a-kind.

i suffer from the virus, CAF88. it inflicts only people with the same palm imprint as mine, who suffers from severe myopia and who has a high ADORATION of any written works from Orson Scott Card.

symptoms? insanity. mood swings. stinky feet. short bursts of endorphins when inhaling greasy fumes of tahu telur. tendency to pick fights for the sake of raising her voice.

and i don't care if this next sentence is going to sound immature or whiny or angsty or whatfuckhaveyou.

I HATE THE COPYWRITER AT WORK. and not even a strong dislike, mind you. i loathe, no, no ABHOR the waste of protoplasm, as talented as she is. and i can only give half a fuck if i'm caught proclaiming my strong loathing for a fellow colleague.

shoot me, sue me, ban me, whatever. better yet, defame me!

i feel like having thai food all of a sudden siah.

deus ex machina part deux

i made someone's day apparently.

and it made mine, knowing that i did.

so He finally sent me a machine-hero. only, he's not god so i can't rightfully say he's deus ex machina.

but, there's my plot twist.

kinda made up with phil after a week's worth of silent treatment. he's such a dear. i switched my laptop on and poof! there was a message on my desktop, telling me he fixed my laptop AND burnt some back up copies of my work in a cd.

cat loves philip to bits and pieces. and, sure, we didn't apologise or anything but i guess we never need to.

credo quia absurdum est

hontou ni kana sai

terrifying weekend it was, sanur drama and the likes.

only, its not exactly drama but a comedy of sorts, short of any hunkables, except shorty, of course.

i came across a rather difficult customer yesterday, who, for some reason, has a grudge against a certain curly-haired psycho with a red badge. she was a horrendous bitch, but i suppose its the fatigue that comes with the CHALLENGING business of making babies AND making her husband's life ridiculously mundane and noisy simultaneously.

if all women ended up as psychotic acid-tongued lactating machines, i'd commit seppuku before i ever got married. or have babies. whichever comes first.

i read the last installation of Card's ender's game and ender's shadow. they were meant to be companion series and both drifted off to different timelines and theme. one was about possible politics after an (yeah i know i know) alien invasion and the other was about some obscure life-related mystery with awesome words like auia and philotes and whatnot. i feel quite sad now that i've reached the end.

if only someone else read the whole lot, then we can rant and rave and gush and mush about the brilliance of Card. sucks to be me. =(

oooor i could coerce someone into reading Card's books AND liking them. heh heh heh. my first target would be... ZH cos, i don't know. you look like a potential Card fan. or i could agonise gabs and make her read the whole book out loud to me over the phone. bunsen burner included. hardeharhar.

or i could just be a normal, curly-haired waitress cum intern-account-coordinator and not read silly, cheem books that make me feel smart(er).

the gang and i came up with ridiculous punchlines to be said at the end of every sentence, preferably, a bitching sentence. such is the influence of oxygen and tahu telur fumes. who needs alcohol when you can get high on the smell of grease?

you've probably guessed it. its childish, but it is the spawn of built-up resentment against Ze Evil Customaires. hontou ni kana sai.

i'm happy. not contented, no. but happy. oops, i felt a surge of endorphins coursing through my veins. oh, there it is again.

i..i...ramble...

hey, you. my deus ex machina. save me from the blasphemy that is my pride. whittle it, give it form.

be my midnight Saviour.

be my plot twist.

my deus ex machina.

oh mein gott

tuesday: post monday blues.

because my monday was a happy one, so i'm quite wary of my tuesday.

course, i'm only joking. in the middle of a lingerie brand competitive analysis now. oh what fun. i get to see lingerie ads from '03 to '07 ok! there are some perks.

someone told me i don't look like a catherine. i look like a cat.

interesting. good night. love you.

You Are An INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards. You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings. At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

What's Your Personality Type?

so, i fell in love, sort of.

aaaaaand its a saturday morning, time check, its 9.25 and by golly gee whiz, i'm wide awake with no trace of caffeine in my blood! oh, miracles, do happen.

that's not gonna last long, of course, cos i got some media kit from ria and they have ginger coffee. I'M JUST DYING TO HAVE A TASTE OF THAT LETHAL CONCOCTION. i predict hours of shaky fingers and stuttering speech. but well, we live only once.

work took a better turn, though. finally, i get to brainstorm in new business projects together with the dudes and dudettes at IMC. the whole time i was just helping to maintain current accounts and, boy, does it drain the shit outta you.

2 more months, cat. make the best of it.

i woke up this morning as happy as a lark.

just because. and because i have a king and i love my king but he hates that i want to shout my existance.

who knew? i am humbled. but... exuberant. and strongly disliked but deeply loved. i'm going to peel the layers of complication and just.. go forth i guess. whoooooooo fuck it.

chris i read ur blog. thanks. =)

hi, is this disturbing?

i wish i died

not that i'm suicidal or anything, oh no no. far from that. the girl's planning on not dying for a long time.

but, right now, i wish i could sleep forever and then wake up to defecate or something.

i'm tired. drained. wronged. maimed. discarded. whatever. anything. yeah!

fuck all the bigwigs. i've got big hair and it isn't fake. comprende amigo?

which compels me to make a public announcement in my not-so-public blog.

I SWEAR, ON ANYTHING THAT I CAN POSSIBLY SWEAR UPON, THAT I WILL NEVER EVER EVER ACT LIKE THE CLOGGED LITTLE RECTUMS I'VE MET.

fuck it. i'll smile. i'll nod. i'll be careful. i'll appear to be the subservient little juguhjang i am but i will never forgive for as long as i don't forget. i reckon i'll forget soon enough.

i'm not pissed or anything, since i don't seem to have the right to be. i'm some THING that's apart from the system that even my payday is two weeks later than everyone else's.

i. am. fed up. totally.

i probably am going to come out of this as some paranoid loser who's more jaded than before (gasp) and more bitter than the average 19 year old.

oh, seek thee, truth. ponder upon the blasphemy that is our life.

chris, i'm still alive. didn't think you'd, you know, still read the blog. i'll e-mail you or smth. or i don't know. i don't know what to do.

hahahahaha. but this whole entire thing is MY FAULT. i'll think of smth.

leaving so soon

i'm not even supposed to be blogging. K and i decided to bring our work home because our ass was getting uncomfortable. really. i could fry an egg in my chair. its like butt global warming. or butt globe(s) warming, seeing how our butts are two globes. hardehar.

so basically, i'm supposed to be working. but i'm not. and i'm going to pay for it by coming into the office at like 7.00am.

and get this. The Mum, who loves me so much and doesn't want me to die choking on dustballs, decides to vacuum everything in my room. And i mean everything. even the laptop. so now my up arrow button has been rendered useless because all the little parts got loose and magically fell off! i now have a sad, incomplete laptop that's dust-free. awesome.

i predict a more.... insightful entry for the next post.

cos i have a lot of things to say. but i feel impending doom tomorrow so i'm gonna do whatever i can for today.

SIGH.

by the way, K and i had pringles and coke for dinner. talk about decadence, man. whooooooooo. ok. work.

perdone.

So i got dragged into being a sponsor for Dill's religious conversion.

It really is ironic, seeing how as a sponsor, I'm supposed to "lead my brethren to God's invitation blah blah blah something or another". Me. "GUIDE" a convertee and teach him the Word of God.

I might as well start giving malay lessons.

I'm just not the right person. I don't know. Shit, if I knew better, I probably did it for love.

HAAARDEHAR!

no, really now. Minus the fact that it was hard to leave my very-much-in-love friend in the lurch, I thought that it was sweet of Dill to want to give up (what seemed like) everything for a Berd. better be nice and lend a hand, no?

Course, i'm rather suspicious of his much publicised affections for her. I thought he was just another cro magnon who portrays a very disturbing amount of manja-ness. I still think that. I guess the jaded side of me wants to witness first-hand the process of him giving up half-way so i can tell bern "i told you so" for the millionth time.

I truly am a bitch.

Or maybe, in a warped way, it was some act of divine manipulation to make me go back to church?

Now THAT would be a laugh.

I just hope i don't resent all this. Because i know i would.

so, would it be weird if i ended with an xoxoxoxo?

i guess it would.

axe-oh-axe-oh-axe-oh.

i love m&m peanuts

TGIF.

TODAY, MONDAY IS A MILLION YEARS AWAY.

i'm reading an amazing book where people from the future went back in time to make tiny revisions to the face of history to save the entire human race. as in really tiny, its not even worth being recorded in the annals of history.

i really admire his work. i do, truly madly deeply. and i don't care if i'm a geek-fan waxing lyrical about some sci-fi novel. i mean, i don't even like star wars.

but Card is an amazement, can? he not only weaves in obscure theories, he throws in a whole drama of moral anguish, bad choices AND HE DOESNT MAKE HIS HEROES AND HEROINES OUT TO BE EL PERFECTO. really, his book is anything but dull. i wish i could curl up in my bed and just read and read and read EVERYDAY.

and, honestly, the mixes of jargon and explanations are just right. it kinda makes me feel smarter reading the book. or more deluded, i don't know, seeing how knowledge of the principle of causality will be of no use to me unless i become a mad scientist trying to warp time.

its nice to live in a world of your own, UNDISTURBED, sometimes. course, its also nice to go bitch-festin' with seasoned rant-khakis who never fail to whip me up into shape or remind me to be a little more compassionate. all hail tough love, listening ears, mcD breakfasts, coffee and ice cream.

its what makes the world go round, i'm telling you.

and what makes me think that Earth is definitely better than Gliese 581.

boring

i fell sick. i mean, i am sick.

as in, mucus oozing from every pore, sick.

and tomorrow's a friday. tell me, is that good, bad or ugly?

The Mum is babying me right now and i am shamelessly enjoying it. She's asking me if i reeeaaally have to drag myself to work tomorrow. i am nodding my head in a deliberately pitiful manner just so i can milk more love outta her.

tell me, is that good, bad or ugly?

i'm going to mount everest one day and at that time, i will have my very own personal sherpa.

tell me, is that good, bad or ugly?
i also find people pretty repulsive. really i swear i'm becoming anti-social.
cos loooove is big, is bigger than us.
looooove is nooot what you're thinking offfff.
no. its not. its insane.
I LOVE U2

it's a beautiful day

fuck, its such a beautiful day, i think i fell in love somewhere during the day. or maybe i bumped my head somewhere. or both.

really, i'm so happy, i think its retarded. i'm even blasting U2's Beautiful Day from my laptop's pantat.

IT MUST BE THE FREAK WEATHER!!!

or not. maybe i'm just genuinely happy. long live randomly-squirted endorphins. whooooooopeedoogoldberg.

so, minus the fact that i'm freaked out by my sudden burst of positivity, things have been looking up. course, i'm not counting my chickadickens before they hatch.

i thank god for not granting me my desperate wish to be abducted and taken to Gliese 581. cos i wouldn't be able to bitchfest with gabs or catch disturbing movies with ry. or eat customised ramly burgers and be loudly emo with the pseudo-lesbianitas at work. or sit down and layan benny. sheesh. taciturn my ass. first time i do the layaning, man. not that i'm complaining haaaaaah ROOOOAAAAR-BAZOOKA. this is where i insert plenty of smileys and deny i have a secret crush on one of my staff. GASP!

i havent seen my boss for more than two months. oh, tomok, tomok has forgotten teh cat. oh well as long as the cheques don't stop coming, i have no qualms being pretty much ignored. the whole episode of picking on fiona and nana has, thankfully, shifted his focus away from me. but i don't envy the crap they have to go through. tomok's tongue is as acidic as acid gets. no wonder his face is like that.

OMG DID I JUST SLAM SOMEONE ON MY BLOG?!? I THINK I DID!!! OMG BITCH!

RUEGO NOS PERDONE DIOS

have you noticed the crazy weather lately? now we know, mother nature has pms, too. or maybe its menopause. stupid weather. i tell you, its definitely hormones. i hate to think what mankind had to go through when she was still a teenager with raging hormones.

congratulations, you're the 999,999th visitor

why blogger so weird one?!

huh huh huh? like, all my icons are stacked VERTICALLY. so weird! i feel like i'm having an intra-msn conversation over here. seriously.

anyways, i swear, i hate being a girl. you just get these odd mood swings. and its not even pms. i don't even know if being a girl has any hand to this. sheeshabillyballs.

ok, so anyway, i'm determined not to make this a post-depression blog post but i really feel much better.

and i'm more thick-skinned than before. bring on the withering stares that could shrivel up balls. I HAVE AN ARMOUR OF HARDENED EPIDERMAL CELLS OK! AND UNDER THAT, THERE'S ANOTHER LAYER OF KERATIN.

I IS CYBORG, NOCTURNAL EXPLORER EXTRAORDINAIRE.

ph34r t3h c4t r4wr!!!11

btw, did you know? mentos has berry flavour now.

tastes like berries. but not really lah.

in peace & pieces

like what S said, all fridays are Good Fridays. but, all hail retail therapy and my all-time favourite rant-to friend, RY. my Friday couldn't have been better. RY, the only cha boh whom i can have dinner with at 8am in the morning. if it isn't love, it's enough. har.

so, anyway, its the weekends, thank god. there's been some interesting turn of events lately so i figure i have to re-think a few stuff. this could be the lowest point of my life, but, you know, the Irony Gods are pretty creative with their, well, irony.

this is pretty cool.

Get Your Cyborg Name

WHOOOOOO NOCTURNAL EXPLORATION SIAAAH.

so, ignoring the fact that this is a pretty distracted, whoa-whoa-what-the-fuck-you-talking-about post, AND ignoring the fact that i really have nth much to say, i'm pretty sane.

Saner than usual, even.

because, with every cliche comes something interesting. with every dark cloud, there's a silver-bloody-lining that's so faint, you could really call it a blessing in disguise. i don't miss what i used to have. rather, i miss what i didn't have and who i wasn't.

anyways, dad's bday is this week. and so is mother's day. in the spirit of equality, i've decided not to give both anything. only because they've given me everything they could and having one lousy day to SHOW (or attempt to show) appreciation is stupid. its like giving sand to a miner in exchange for his diamonds. SNORT. some lousy grains for the world's hardest thing. HAHHHAHAHAHAHA.

ANYWAYS.

even though sometimes i'd like to bash their heads on the wall, i love them to bits and pieces. sometimes, they'd probably love to drown me in the toilet bowl but i know they love me to bits and pieces, too. that's enough, i guess.

I guess this takes the cake

Get Your Sexy Name

so i was thinking. now, i'd like to just hide somewhere before i emerge again. because i'm drained. and right now, i think the whole world is ugly & small. its overwhelming. it makes you want to be emo and anti-social sometimes.

but thank God i'm not alone.

there is a God, really. he sends his love. in bits and pieces, too.

OK. I DID ONE FOR GABS TOO.

Get Your Sexy Name

hahahahahaha LOOK WHO'S GROVELING WHO SIAH.

and maggot.

Get Your Sexy Name

and ry

Get Your Sexy Name

and p.sabif

Get Your Sexy Name

good to know p. sabif means a whole load of different things, ehy. didnt know what avatar to give him. it was either the rose or a pair of condoms. but well.

ok lah bye.

i am so sad, it's disgusting.

it's not even funny anymore. it's not as if i can laugh and pick myself up just like that.

IT FUCKING SUCKS TO FEEL LIKE CRAP.

fuck emoness, dammit. i just want to disappear. i wish some alien ship would suck me up and transport me to Gliese 581 cos then i'll be 20 light years away from earth and alone where i can muck around.

fuck it isn't funny. for all i know, i could die in like 15 minutes of some freak accident. maybe my chicken rice was laced with cyanide. i don't know. now i wish it really was.

cos it never rains. it pours. and i'm just waiting for the one big blow that will knock me off balance and leave brawling on the floor like a baby.