lay-zee lah

shiok siah.

i didn't make my bed today because i spent the whole day propped up against pillows, watching mushi-shi till the last episode.

i have this sudden urge to cook.

i wonder if the house is insured?

twisted.

i can't believe i'm really leaving.

i'm really leaving? i'm really leaving. i'm really leaving!

i know its a little conceited of me but i secretly like being asked to stay. so now, its not a secret anymore, is it? i thrive on being important. i mean, it's real nice, you know? especially when people go "caaaaaaat, why you goooo??? don't go lah. then how? who want to help me blah blah blah" and i mysteriously answer "but i have to lah."

waaaah aku suka, man!

yet, i can't help but feel miserable.

i've been looking through all the stupid videos and photos we've taken, tearing a little, sighing alot, wishing i didn't, you know. well. you know.

shit.

my last day's 3 days away and i already have knots in my stomach and my throat hurts like how it'll hurt when you're trying not to braaaaawl.

shiiit lah.

i doubt i was ever this emotional when i broke up with somebody. or when i had a tiff with somebody. or when i get silent treatments. or when i gave silent treatments. or when things get overwhelming. i thought i was heartless, man! now i know better.

i keep telling myself, i might as well leave now before i chalk up more happy/sad memories that make me more attached to the place than i already am.

but really, i like the melancholy at the same time.

i'm just glad i'm feeling this way. to tell you the truth, i'm mighty happy i found something that was so important to me, so impactful that i dread leaving so much. my time there was probably even more important than my time at pri or sec school. probably WILL BE more important than my time at poly, too. considering.

i could go on and on but then, you'd think i was an emo wuss, making a mountain out of a molehill. i could just go on and on, typing furiously the many random incidents we've had. how we laughed. how we fought. how i felt i wasnt being taken seriously when i first started running shifts. how i always made fun of our assistant manager's insatiable appetite. how mak mah would baby us when we whined and ranted. how we tricked benny, iven and raju into thinking we were all lesbians. how i found the mak ciks huddled in a corner in the kitchen, watching porn. how we cheered each other up with notes in the lockers, coded messages in the communication book and random surprises in the fridge. how we'd spill our innermost secrets to each other; what we feared, who we loved, why we were bitter, what we really thought we lived for, how we planned to make it big. oh, and how much we ate!

eh leh.

i'm getting too wistful for my liking. its not like they'll disappear right? =D

need to get a bag big enough for me to clear my locker. i even have a piggy bank there, can you believe it?

it would've been the prettiest thing

The Story.

honeybunch pumpkin pie yummy yummy yum, you've been had.

it's that time of the year again, where you get a terrifying jolt of realisation that the end of the year is but 3 months away.

twenty oh eight. why am i even thinking about it? i'm nineteen. i'm supposed to feel invincible and plenty of untapped super powers that could potentially help me take over the world single-handedly. i'll never die and if i did, i'd be resurrected within three days. (GAAAAAAASP! BLASPHEMY!!!!!!!!!! BUH-LAS-FUH-MAY!!!!)

but, you know, despite me being happy (most of the time) and all, i can't help but be paranoid of the impending doom coming my way. our way. it's like the calm before the storm. or the huge breath you take before screaming shrilly.

maybe its just the prospect of the new school term or the many subtle changes happening that's making me a little wary. seems to me like everyone i know is making some form of life-changing decision, leaving me where i am now, which was where i was before.

*****

i need to digress a little because this is a VIP for me to make. A VERY IMPORTANT POINT. see, i'm looking at my fingernails now and, god, they're hideous. they don't look like fingernails even. sheesh. i'm betting five months worth of fingernail-chewing did that. i'll probably die from keratin ingestion or something. would you be sad? for me, i mean. hmmmmmm?

gosh, i don't know why but i feel like i'm on top of the world. i'm so happy, i'm kinda scared. it's not right for things to go, well, right! right? right! right. hardehar.

wahlau i FEEL hyper. its so wrong. i just wanna start running. or singing. or laughing, no, guffawing, at the littlest things.

funny how food can change your mood =)

blame it upon the rush of blood to the head

i've got a new job! i haven't quit THE RESTAURANT though, cos i'm a wuss and that place has a strange hold on me.

i can't let goooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. plus, its the easiest place to make money.

but the new place is cool. i start on friday. that's my off day but i dont give a damn! they give caaaaaash! KA-CHINGGG.

but well. soon. i made a few goals just now. and i plan to scrimp and save and have AT LEAST a thousand buckeroos in my bank account by next year. that probably means that i can't quit sanur any time soon. nyeh heh. excuses excuses.

3 ways to achieve this.

1. work like shit before school starts and not shop or watch movies or spend anyhow on miscellaneous stuff/activities. HAH.

2. stop being late so that abang won't cut my pay. boss' decision because he's a wuss who hasn't gotten any for centuries. the fine's one minute, one dollar and last month i got 33 bucks deducted! what a fucker. good thing abang's a nice person sometimes :) i mean, you really think i chocked up ONLY 33 minutes of lateness last month??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MAN. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

3. bodek tomok, fiona style. this includes smiling alot when he visits the outlet and offering him iced tea. also, layaning him and not ignoring him and telling him that his ugly banner is actually guh-guh-guh-gorgeous. HAHAHA yeah. i'm fucking kidding you. boss doesn't deserve it. which boss does?

oh yeah. and one more thing.

4. leverage on the weekday lunchtime office crowd and get as much tips as i can! because of our new-found motivation factor (KA-CHINGGG!!), shorty, zara and i are trying very hard to pretend the customers aren't a bunch of coprocephalics with platinums and we're succeeding! yayzors. KA-CHING, KA-CHING, KAAAAA-CHINGGGGG!

anyway, to not make you think that i'm money-minded and materialistic and shallow, i'm going to make the last part of the post heartfelt and filled with warmth and love and all that jazz.

i love my daddy because he's old and he makes me feel like i must protect him now. and despite him having most of his teeth taken out and having a hard time eating, i still think he's macho.

its no cause for concern

sigh. phil's stupid friend is in his room and they're having a bloody loud conversation about school. whaaaaaaat daaaaa fuuuuuck lah. get a life and go home or something. its 2 plus in the fucking aye am, godammit.

omg is phil gay?!?! that would be damn funny.

but ok lah. his friend is quite cute. very deeeeeep voice. nyeh heeeh. a very DEEP THROATed voice. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA OMG LAAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

but not bad. phil has taste.

if he's gay, that is. IF.

course, i'd still love him. gay or not. he's my baby brother.

AND WATCH RABBIT-PROOF FENCE. it is the most heart wrenching tale ever, if you're in that kinda mood lah.

will i wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

I can't sleep again, man. wahlau. So i've decided to keep myself entertained with the three vcds we rented for the sleepover last friday. Yeap. Rewatching em cos its either those or Matrix Revolution. Or animatrix. All from phil's stash of, well, stash, ok. Not mine loh.

Sigh. The Illusionist is making me bored. Have you ever felt bored but wide awake before? Both don't go hand in hand but for my case, it does BECAUSE I'M DAMN SUAY.

know how bored i am?

THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS FUH-REAAAAAKING BORED. If i continue to be this bored, i swear, i'll turn to something drastic.

Like uh. Shaving my - ok, no- like like like cooking! And popping by Chris' place in the wee wee hours of the morning to force-feed her my specially made double-boiled salt water.

Don't think i wouldn't.

NOW MAKE ME SLEEP, GODDAMMIT!

la vie boheme!!

uh yeah ok nightoes.

have fun for the rest of your life.

zh tagged me and apparently, i am REQUIRED to state 8 random facts about me. 8 facts, huh. FACTS. gee.

1. i am a girl. or, at least, i meet every physical characteristic of a female human. i think.

2. i chew my fingernails. i'm trying to recall if i have ever swallowed any.

3. i hate sci-fi but am an avid orson scott card fan.

4. my hair is made up of an unknown element. when added with water and glycerin, it produces a white ppt and an unknown gas, as observed through the massive bubble production. gas is said to be combustible and highly reactive to warm, damp conditions. element is said to be a cousin of kryptonite. superman, beware. marketing dept have yet to come up with a super cool name.

5. i have the attention span of a two year old kid.

6. i am extremely fickle. not something im proud of. i think. but then again, being fickle is a good thing, too, sometimes. i don't know. i like being fickle. no wait. i don't. grr. or maybe i do. yeah. ok, no no. i take that back.

7. people dont laugh at my jokes, they laugh at me laughing at my jokes. snort har har har haaaargh cough cough cough.

8. i am, by definition, not lame. i can walk perfectly well, except for that weird gait i'm most reputed to have. fuck you, iven. i walk like that cos my toes are in the way godammit!

nap time. later, alligator.

pronouncing initials as a word

OTOT- ought-ought

DKNY- dick-knee

FCUK- fuh-cook

GST- juiced

BRB- burp

sigh. back to my report.

lacquered

if, for one day, we could take everything at face value without second guessing motives, underlying meanings and what have yous, the world would be a better place.

if, one day.

i have this hope that the multiple coats of lacquer on everyone would start to dull and peel off with time and we can finally truly say 'what you see is what you get'.

i celebrated my birthday for real today, one day after The Day. not that the 12th wasn't special or anything. it was, except for the working part. got a morning greeting from ZH, calling me 'majesty' and all that jazz. prolly the only person who can tahan AND layan my outrageously cmi jokes. steph got me a little cake with a candle in it and a message scrawled on the box saying 'happy 19th bday, babater. omedetto'. and, of course, the tradition of having to 'pull numbers' for 4d. i have such sweet, weird, important friends/sibs. the 11th was extraordinary as well, with a fabulous dinner and an even more fabulous company. of course, we ended up shopping as well, as usual.

i can't remember the last time i blew candles on a cake with the family. we're all so caught up in whatever it is we seemed to be caught up with the past few years. i can't even have a proper conversation with my baby brother without having this vile mixture of resentment and loathing being caught in my throat. and i love him so much that i can even hate him and get away with it. i truly am a monster, man.

but, well. i'll give him a hug later so that i can at least redeem myself a little. such a calculative move, cat you terrible glob of protoplasm. although, he seems to have forgotten the stupid things i said but i am very fucking guilty now :(

so, today, i had a heart-shaped strawberry mousse cake. i used to... strongly dislike strawberries AND mousse. my, how things have changed. and there were candles on it and i made a real wish. i'm trying hard not to sound like a wide-eyed girly girl but i made a real wish! it has to be the heart-shaped cake lah. it does something to you, makes you a little soft in the head.

and since i'm still soft in the head, i'm off to photoshop some photos i got. whether i'll post them is another thing.

but i'm happy.

19, cat. make it matter.

as wretched, cynical and mad as she may be

she loved.

being happy, that is.

i was 18.

thanks for all the smses, phone calls and stuff. course, i'm genuinely surprised at who remembered and who forgot. ok, lah not really.

so, now.

i've decided alot of things.

now, to put them in action.

LAY-TUH.

it's a draw, then.

eh, but stop trying to best me, asshole. not everything is a competition.

because they did the math

last day today.

i have never felt so sad and so relieved at the same time.

i spent almost half a year over there. feels like my life got ripped apart, as dramatic as it sounds.

spotted a sign above M's desk. it read: FREE! Account servicing spine removal.

threw away the spoof brief K, C & M did. Got a pooh-neh from boss. got free lunches and dinners the whole week. and GAD-whom-i-aspire-to-be-like-one-day came for my farewell cum birthday dinner even though he left the company like a month ago. i feel so touched/honoured/sad.

i hate that i'm going to spend days pining over the people i will miss. i hate that come next monday, i don't have to drag my ass to work before 9 for WIP meeting. or churn briefs.

from the good days to the suay days, the good and bad, i loved every bit of it as much as i hated it. i may have complained alot but, hey. i'll bet no one got a stuffed cat pillow from her account director. i'm going to name it pooh-neh, that ridiculous nick S gave me. Apparently it means 'cat' in tamil. aha. fahni.

aku sedih. but my bday's less than 2 days away! smth to look forward to, i guess. going for a movie marathon with ry after work :)

jyaas was right. birthdays aren't special. it's just another year you haven't died. what's the big deal? sigh. sucks to be exhausted & sad at the same time.

makes you snap at your brother for being a lazy-fucking-bum.

and avon is a malaysian brand as stated at the bottom of post 'rant and rave, i will'. alternatively, you may want to ask your nearest mak cik. should there be any queries please do not hesitate to contact me at catherinity@gmail.com

have a nice weekend ahead.

warmest regards,
Catherine Francis (Ms)
Very Sad Intern

rant and rave, i will.

waaaaaaaahlau eh.

the mak cik mak cik Avons* are giving Ishwor the cold shoulder. or maybe its the other way round.

BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAARGH.

HILARIOUS. god knows what happened during the weekdays. but well. this would be the most tense weekend i've ever experienced. don't mess with mak ciks, i tell you. they're worst than pms-ish teens.

If you were to ask me to give you one word to describe my, uh, emotions/state of mind right now, i'd say i'm disturbed. 15 minutes ago, shorty was crying. she was on the phone, so i guess nora was verbally whacking her.

i probably am guilty of the same mistake they're making- not solving the matter-at-hand instantly. but it's in our nature, isn't it? to choose if we want to fight or flee at the face of danger/uncomfortable situations. shorty's nonchalant take on the whole thing was probably her way of defense. after all, nora's not exactly your demure, subservient protagonist-in-love.

boss asked me if i wanted to take a long break after my attachment. haven't really thought about it. but i did mention that it'll be swell if he could sponsor a trip to some tropical island where a supply plane comes in every 2 weeks to see if you're alive and other than that, you're basically the only inhabitant. i mean, i'm TIRED of people. The weekdays see me liaising with the nit-picky madams. oh! should it be a colon or a semi-colon?... oh! the woman's face looks too DI-ed... oh! oh! oh! oh! fuck lah oh, oh, oh.

You take that and you multiply the irritant-level by about a thousand and you get the impossible-to-please customers i get every weekend.

And i swear, i'm damn suay! Every shift i've run for the past month has had a complaint about the food. and not any noooormal complain, but serious ones! ALL THE FUCKING SUPPLIER'S FAULT. One customer found a fish hook in the fish head. Tell me which girl won't get a heart attack? Abang advised me to bathe in flowers, cos maybe its just some bad fengshui. WHAAAAAAAT THE FUCK. but i gotta admit, my room's in the same state it was last december. go figure.

LATER.

*for the uninitiated, Avon is this M'sian brand coveted by the mak ciks in the kitchen. if you're giggling, my guess is, you must know what a VAAAAST variety of products Avon sells.

kept bugging ol' zh to read orson scott card (just like i swore i would). AND HE LOVES IT! hardeharharhar. and i'm blogging it because i'm waiting for chris to pick me up before heading to christel's place.

wgs debaters gathering. can't wait. oh, but sorry, christel, for being late. apologise in advance =D

i got bored, then, i got out of it.

wheeeeeeeehooooooo!

it was fun and all. but, well. can't take the heart attacks lah.

and and and and 8 more working days to go before i'm fuh-reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. i am so fucking happy, can?

mad rampage

its been a generally 'ok' day. except that, i fell asleep on the couch, still in my tahu telur-smelling outfit, only to wake up and find the house in an ugly state. heaven knows why i haven't noticed it before, but the walls were adorned with cobwebs, the floor laced with dust. and the pile of washed laundry was just sitting there for millenniums, i reckon they had to be washed again after i'm through sorting them out.

daaaaammit.

and so, i started yelling. what the fuck have the kids been doing the whole weekend? phil's just typing on his bloody laptop, steph just got home. jesus. so, i'm the maid now. as if interning(sorry, slaving) and waitressing was a holiday or something.

sigh.

of course, no one gave a damn. and so i'm in the middle of folding the clothes now, fuming. i just vacuumed the whole house. and, what? it's 10pm. which retard vacuums the house so fucking late?

on a lighter note, i spent the night munching on donuts and keropok with the girls (and the butch). fiona sorta got herself terminated, much to my dismay. abang tried to explain his grandmother story to me regarding the whole matter, seeing how he knew i was her friend. it turned into a 'my job sucks' rant-session and ended with him defensively saying 'cat, i'm not complaining, but, you know. i darah up, dik!'. i really don't care. i saw it coming, anyways.

we've hired more newbies. 2 guys and 2 girls. i find it extremely insane cos we never had guys in the restaurant before, except abang and, probably, bapak, my dear boss. so, you can imagine the ripple of excitement across the kitchen and dining staff. sheesh.

ben's been an angel, and he's one of the reasons i look forward to the weekends. hardehar. i don't care if i'm grandmothering in this post. but i found it amusing when he barged in from the back door with a crazy glint in his eye, pulled my earphones out and stuck his earphones into my ear, exclaiming "you must listen. better than your songs!" course, it could have been a plot to prevent me from noticing he was 15 minutes late. and even if that's the case, its applaudable.

nora and shorty saw the WWE summer slam something-or-another yesterday. shorty's been wrestling crazy even before she was a girl-masquerading-as-a-dude. i think its lay-muh. but, well, it takes all types to make the world =) and i love him/her to bits (and pieces).

sigh. i'm going to stop typing for a bit, click on the orange blinkey bars and be anti-anti-social for awhile.

fuck the clothes, too =)

i don't have pictures, but.

i received an e-mail yesterday and don't know why but i decided to read the entire clause at the bottom that comes with every e-mail correspondence. bo liao at it's finest, man.

so, anyway, i did that, and tried to made sense of the whole mumbo jumbo when i stumbled upon a very clever quote from an even cleverer man.

'insanity,' it read, 'is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results.'

from einstein, frizzy-haired eccentric who comes up with theories no one can truly grasp.

why people put little phrases at the end of e-mails is beyond me. am i supposed to think highly of you for having a witty phrase at the end of your e-mail? am i supposed to think you're well-read? like, step-kiang only lah.

anyways, i asked ry out on a whim today because i thought i'd forget her face if i didn't. hah. thing is, i saw kids everybloodywhere. and almost every kid i saw was crying. no, WAILING. as in, BWAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHWAHWAAAARGH-wailing. tsk. evolution sucks. babies now have PA systems as vocal cords.

and i keep seeing pregnant women everywhere! either that or ladies are getting rounder tummies and fatter ankles.

i personally find it disturbing that our birth rate increased after the implementation of the baby bonus package. don't you?

the world's gone wrong. there's a hole in the sky and butches are falling in love with gays.

sheeshabillysballs.

i saw my skin under harsh light and its hideous. i havent eaten a fruit since dinosaurs died. and the last piece of veg i ate came from a burger. i'm going to turn into a carnivorous thing with bad hair and bad skin.

gonna do something about it.

soon lah.

i can't sleep

because i just downed three teh tariks and i'm pretty much high on fishing trip stories, pun-y jokes and conversations that end with hearty guffaws.

is it too early to say tgif?

TEE GEE AI FREAKIN EFF, BABY!