buay song ah? buay song, ah. buay song ah!

it probably won't mean anything

so, googles and googles of blog posts rant about what they did, how they d0 something and try to explain, to the point of confusion, why they do it.

i'm just going to list a list of things i didn't do today.

1. i didn't diet. (yeah, well, yeaaah)
2. i didn't read the papers.
3. i didn't return the library books.
4. i didn't cry.
5. i didn't trim my toenails.
6. i didn't meet the girls.
7. i didn't rat on my colleague
8. i didn't tell abang about that pseudo-iq joke i was dying to tell.
9. i didn't raise my voice today.
10. i didn't watch any animes. (at least, not yet)

anyways, just like i've predicted, i've grown tired of blogging. i used to love spending hours, thinking of little random things to say. but now its so bleah. perhaps its because i don't have anyone i'd want to impress. perhaps, i've grown up, which is most unlikely but, it is a rather good thought to have.

i realise that this blog is as redundant as it gets. its meaningless, it serves no purpose, it reveals nothing of this Sacred Person. if anything, it gives me a whole load of negativity.

it's really tiresome, lah.

on a side note, i just figured something out. and i wanted you to know.

that, hon, if anything, blaming yourself is the ultimate form of egoistical hoolabaloo. like everything depended on only you. as if every bit and factor is under your control that, if anything goes wrong, you blame only yourself and not a string of non-accidental-could-be-avoided events. or, of course, neanderthals who should've known better.

i find it quite amusing that you assume the role of sole blamee and indulge in self-pity, graciously rejecting any form of consolation, as if the whole world is on your shoulders. i don't find it magnanimous. quite the contrary, i think its another, rather mundane, call for attention. so mundane and discreet that no one sees pass the whole charade of magnitude but take it at face-value.

i say its an egoistical show because acting like everything is your fault is also a sign of dominance. everyone's going to be acutely sensitive to what might remind you of your folly. admit it, you like it that, for once, people think about you, walking on thin ice, trying not to affect your fragile, fragile heart.

i say, pick your damn self up and move the hell on.

and smile. cos you'll make someone else's day while you're picking up the pieces.

i guess that's it, then. i is bidding you goodnight & farewell. please don't wet your bed. again.

i will beg my way into your garden, break my way out when it rains

It's way past my bedtime. Laugh all you want, you nocturnal Neanderthals but I'm sleepy, only, i really really really like John Mayer's 'Vultures' so i'm just going to put it on repeat until i jelak.

Anyways, most of us have survived iap so far. I've learnt plenty, thanks to my small fry position as Ze Crazy Intern. Because I'm practically invisible to the other depts, I get to snoop around and listen in on the latest happenings, or conveniently glance at other people's contact reports, then steal away into the darkness that is the shadow of the towering newspapers.

Jokes aside, I've noticed my heavy reliance on coffee. It's scary but I can't function well enough without a cuppa. I tried abstaining once and i ended up having a migraine. Of course, that could be due to the piles of newspaper near my area. The psi level around my 3by3 is definitely unhealthy. There's probably enough dust there to clog my brains.

But, the point is, I couldn't take it not having a cup of coffee.

And I'm telling you, caffeine is most definitely just like nicotine. Which, by the way, is the main reason why I choose not to suck the gaseous by-product of burnt tobacco through a paper filter.

I mean, we smoke, or rather, you smoke, or, ok, Smokers smoke because nicotine makes them feel whatever it is that nicotine makes them feel. We'll just call it the 'Shiok feeling' to make things less complicated. Of course, the Shiok feeling could mean alot of things. The relief of defecating, the climax of fornication, the satiation of hunger. [Sheeshabilly'sballs there's such a word as satiation!]

But caffeine is scarier. You don't down a cup of coffee for some shiok feeling. You need the damn thing. It's like a ritual of some sort. According to a study done by so&soh, there's a huge margin between the behaviour before and after caffeine influence in homo sapiens. They display varied levels of annoyance to the point of temporary menopause/andropause before caffeine intake. Such is the power of coffee.

So, I was thinking. If I'm already addicted to caffeine, why not nicotine?

Because the graphic pictures on the packs, thats why. You dont take em seriously but hey. you're talking about the girl who can't sleep alone in the dark.

I'd probably think twice about coffee if they put little graphics of our braincells dying or something. By the way, does caffeine do that? I don't know. I just know it's bad for our body. Cos, well, its something i like isn't it? Whatever you like isn't good for you.

time ti hit the sack-reel-age. nightoes.

boooooored

bean part deux

i dreamt.

i worshiped you.

there. cryptic enough? i is queen.

fyi, maggot,

i found another tres cool anime that's probably gonna take up most of my un-iap, un-waitress, un-sleeping time.



not as cool as ghost hunt but my guess is, the two shounens would probably make up for it, ehys? hurdehurhurhur.

anyways, silent treatment day 2.5 and i swear i'm not gonna budge. i can be pretty hard-headed and childish that way but, hey, what i don't like, i avoid, no? it's a game i'm quite good at.

i see today's dishes all stacked in the sink. perfect breeding ground for germs. but, i'm telling you. i'm not gonna budge. maybe some sort of bacterial evolution could happen, then you'll get an amoeba-thing that'll evolve further to an insect-looking thing resembling a Francis.

yeah, that. and also because i'm still quite angry with them.

bobagem

In books and stories, the wise just speak but they don't do anything. Its like The Oracle in The Matrix, or Bookman in D.Gray Man, or Planter in Xenocide.

They weigh the odds out, justify both causes, explain every angle of action and finally, FINALLY, they say it's our power to choose the lesser of two evils. The two evils they've interpreted for us, tuned to what only we can comprehend.

So, really, who is the wise one here? The one who knows or the one who chooses?

But thats just The Thought of The Day lah.

So its a lazy Sunday afternoon and i'm in the middle of one of my silent protests against The Parents. It reminds me of myself many years ago (waaaah like so old like that) when we'd fight over their silly expectations and my justifications of why it is totally a-ok or me to be out after sundown.

Course, now it's different. And i'm rather tired of having The Father scream his lungs down at one of my suggestions, explaining to me like i'm a little girl, the dire situation we are all in and yahdeyahdeyah. I mean, i thought i was old enough to at least have a little input in such ADULT matters.

Apparently, the percentage of contribution is inversely proportionate to the amount of decision-making. I call it blind responsibility and from the way i see it, a lot of redundant moves could've been avoided.

So here i am, knowing how much pride The Elders have, and knowing their ignorance at how much I have, too.

And I can't stand it that i don't see them in the same light i did when i was really young - perfect, wise. No. They are only human and its quite sad because it sucks to know you're on your own and there isn't a pillar of (SNORT) hope for your to lean on.

But because i am extremely bitter at the sudden turn of events, i'll just bid my time long enough for me to say "I told you so."

Because, daddy, ma, i'm tired. And while i'm not beyond caring, you're on your own now, which, by the way, was your choice, as you've SUBTLY proclaimed. Don't think i was born yesterday, dear Wise Ones, because I have seen what could've been. That while you question yourselves why i never once turn to you for refuge, i run to the brother, younger but wiser than me, even. The one i'd love to kill a decade and a half ago, is my only hope for ever remaining sane, if i still am.

You've lost a daughter in heart, but i will forever be the sister insect and steph look up to.

Haha. I can't help but say Amen.

AMEN.

of steals, mcDs and retail therapy, and thai food =B

i don't usually blog much about my daaaaily mundaaaaane activities. not after i revamped BBB, which, by the way, wasn't much of a revamp, just a whole white-washed version of something i was 4 years ago.

but my nanny came baaaaack! And wtflolotr, she's damn hot. and that's sad, i tell you because i can't fit into her jeans and she's such a pretty little thing which is daaaamn weird cos from what i remembered, i thought she was an evil witch who favoured my baby brother because he was a boy. and thats was some longass sentence. but i thought she was INSANE and bias. she was just like any witch, just like any pontianak hungering for some macho blood. not that phil is much of a macho-man, as some people might concur *cough*insect*cough*

but they were inseperable! and whenever she went out, she'd come back with some little toycar for philip the insect to play with. and philip's imagination is damn screwed. he goes vroom vroom brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmm all over the house until all the walls had random grey race tracks.

yeah, and you guessed it. i loathed the lady, who is really my mother's sister. call it maturity if you must but i love her to bits now because how can you hate someone who played a mega role in your life more than a decade ago? and now that she's one of the biggest contributers to cat's pocket money fund, she's number one on my love-love list. (nana comes second because i love her ass. then comes gabby cos i love freaking her out, no?) SNORT.

i miss sch but i figured it was a good decision to get out of the system and get thrown into a 2m deep pool filled with grease.

i'm just glad though not really, since sharing a 3by3 all day saps all your energy. but i'm glad.

and i'm thankful that i've managed to shrug off un-necessaries.

bad move, cat.

so, learn.

the end is nigh

eh. i forgot what i wanted to blog about. but since i'm already here,

HELLO!

of dorklings, xenocide and because nana tagged me, so here's 6 weird cat facts to start off.

Each person who gets tagged needs to write a blog post of their own 6 idiosyncrasies as well as clearly state this rule. After you state your 6 weirdness-es, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their multiply id (or anything equivalent) at the bottom of your blog. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you’re tagged” in their comments and tell them to read your blog for information as to what it means. (as if i'm gonna do that)

weird cat fact 1: if i too lazy to cook maggi, i eat rice with muruku. or potato chips. or doritos. depending on availability.

weird cat fact 2: i'm not smelly. GASP.

weird cat fact 3: i like re-reading books. not twice, but many many times. as in, maaaany. until i can tell you exactly which page ender will kill bonzo.

weird cat fact 4: my mess has a system. crumpled yellow paper on one side, eraser dirt on the other, staples in a corner and crumpled white paper on the floor. its the only time i'm organised.

weird cat fact 5: i laugh to myself alot. i also talk to myself. i find cat the best best friend cat can ever have.

weird cat fact 6: i don't blush. i laugh really loud instead.

ok yeah. so 6 people ah.

1. maggot
2. P.Sabif
3. chris
4. nana. just cos i wanna see if you can come up with another 6 weird facts
5. anonymous
6. nat

"this is going to be as easy as peeing in the shower"

i love orson scott card because he is such an intelligent man. so intelligent, that he could conjure a fresher-than-usual idea of our planet earth 2000 years later. and when i mean fresh, i mean fuh-resh. like, battle schools and child commanders and new religion and aliens more primitive than ourselves kinda fresh.

i mean, he seriously broke the whole sci-fi boundary, making us NOT the victims for once.

he even came up with a 'parallel' version of his book. the same story, seen in different eyes. and its so different, you'd have thought another writer wrote it.

he. is. brilliant. and pfffffffffft to trash like sandra brown and whatsername roberts. personally, i think these erotica writers just don't get it (in more ways than one hurhurhur). not that i'm a major prude (not that it's necessarily a bad thing). but, you know, their stories are just so blaaaah. sure its quite exciting the first time and then the whole concept just repeats itself over again. its like a literary channel 8 drama and its infuriating!

but i rant. and i shall stop. not that i want to. but, really he is amazing. as good as tolkien, probably better.

i is nerd. not a brilliantly smart one. but a nerd nonetheless.

"no, cat. it's because i trust you."

i aint just a figure head, man. i am where i am after years of washing every leaf from the potted plant, washing the toilets at the suay-est of times, climbing ladders to wipe the air con when i'm terrified of heights.

i'm glad my insecurity got sorted out. i may hate abang sometimes but he is a good manager. i'm glad they didn't make the three of us in-charges because they had no choice. or at least, thats what he said.

so yeah. tmw, i'm an intern. and will be or the next 5 days until the weekends come and then i strike terror into the hearts of agile waitresses and magnificent cooks. ok no lah. i'm really nice, one.

i have a dual life and i'm kinda lovin it.