it probably won't mean anything

so, googles and googles of blog posts rant about what they did, how they d0 something and try to explain, to the point of confusion, why they do it.

i'm just going to list a list of things i didn't do today.

1. i didn't diet. (yeah, well, yeaaah)
2. i didn't read the papers.
3. i didn't return the library books.
4. i didn't cry.
5. i didn't trim my toenails.
6. i didn't meet the girls.
7. i didn't rat on my colleague
8. i didn't tell abang about that pseudo-iq joke i was dying to tell.
9. i didn't raise my voice today.
10. i didn't watch any animes. (at least, not yet)

anyways, just like i've predicted, i've grown tired of blogging. i used to love spending hours, thinking of little random things to say. but now its so bleah. perhaps its because i don't have anyone i'd want to impress. perhaps, i've grown up, which is most unlikely but, it is a rather good thought to have.

i realise that this blog is as redundant as it gets. its meaningless, it serves no purpose, it reveals nothing of this Sacred Person. if anything, it gives me a whole load of negativity.

it's really tiresome, lah.

on a side note, i just figured something out. and i wanted you to know.

that, hon, if anything, blaming yourself is the ultimate form of egoistical hoolabaloo. like everything depended on only you. as if every bit and factor is under your control that, if anything goes wrong, you blame only yourself and not a string of non-accidental-could-be-avoided events. or, of course, neanderthals who should've known better.

i find it quite amusing that you assume the role of sole blamee and indulge in self-pity, graciously rejecting any form of consolation, as if the whole world is on your shoulders. i don't find it magnanimous. quite the contrary, i think its another, rather mundane, call for attention. so mundane and discreet that no one sees pass the whole charade of magnitude but take it at face-value.

i say its an egoistical show because acting like everything is your fault is also a sign of dominance. everyone's going to be acutely sensitive to what might remind you of your folly. admit it, you like it that, for once, people think about you, walking on thin ice, trying not to affect your fragile, fragile heart.

i say, pick your damn self up and move the hell on.

and smile. cos you'll make someone else's day while you're picking up the pieces.

i guess that's it, then. i is bidding you goodnight & farewell. please don't wet your bed. again.