1001 days unseen

OMG.

So a year has (almost) passed, hooray the world hasn't ended yet!

Am I the only one who is quite apprehensive about the new year? I think I am. Just like every eve of the eve of new year's, I dread the coming year. DREAD IT. DREAD IT. DREAD IT.

Honestly, it's that time of the year again where you get lost in misanthropic thoughts and hatch sinister plots to take over the world or worse, hand the world over to aliens who'd rule us through dictatorship, fueling it with threats to conduct inhuman experiments on us or eat us alive.

Ok lah, I'm not usually such a gloomy person. As proof of my increasingly cheery disposition, my wardrobe has changed drastically. I have more colours now, especially yellow. I just bought a yellow polka-dotted top because it made me feel happy. Not that you care. Oh. And i have 5 pairs of heels, 2 of which are potential suicide aids if you'd like to die with your spine twisted in an awkward position.

Yeah. I can't believe it either.

It won't be long before i own a proper dress. OMG. SO SCARY.

On the same topic, I have decided to try my hand at some t-shirt deconstruction. 1st step is to transform my OP t-shirts (yeah i know, shut up) into awesome halters or something along those lines.

Now, to learn how to thread a needle.

exuberance on this unholy night

it was a blast, even when we lost a 2 hr game of taboo. sigh. team Insane suay lah thats why.

anyhoos, i'm waiting for gg & chris to send me the pics so i can put it up and show you how halloween can be celebrated during this festive season. can be done, can be done. of course, chris' parents were a bit bewildered at such a theme but its all in good fun! we even got to subject zh and gg to our make up experiments, i mean, expertise.

sigh. i love you guys, man. love, love, love. its only with you that i can be exuberant and ecstatic and excited and ex-everything and not be the post-secondary sarcastic, cynical little bitch that i am.

SIGH.

and i'm going to start '08 with nary a resolution. fuck resolutions. who cares? i won't keep it anyway. "i will exercise regularly" uh yeaaaaaaaaaaah. "i won't cuss" UH HUH. "i'll be punctual." HEH HEH HEH.

anyway, whooo! next year, i'll be twen-teen!

i feel old, like how a two-decade old person should feel.

i also feel drained. but its quite safe to say that i'm naive enough to think the world's still a mighty pretty place. i mean, i can still tune out ugly things and ignore them until they go away or bite me in the ass when i'm more prepared. or just ignore them again until they disappear from the face of this earth.

ok, maybe i will have a resolution after all. that is, to stop being apathetic and care. as in, really care. like, if you cry, i should feel your pain or blah blah blah sort of care. i think i used to be that way a long time a go but i can hardly remember how it feels like.

i don't want to say 'i don't give a fuck' anymore. and i don't wanna NOT give a fuck either. its sad. it makes me feel like an observing entity and not Life's participant.

but enough self-improvement musings and shit. i should get to bed now. tomorrow's gonna be a long day.

tiiiis the season to be jolly. falalalalalalalalallaafluck.

axe-mas is over. ok. not really, since the gothic-themed party has yet to happen. I'M SO FUHREAKING EXCITED!!!!

to-to-to-today we're gonna get the black candles and and and get a white table cloth and rip it and splatter fake blood all over it. i'm almost done with the home-made gothic cards! will put pics of em up as soon as i'm un-lazy and un-stuffed.

so fun!

i conveniently disappeared when the auntie-auntie and uncle-uncle dropped by. i should do that more often. put my foot down and not do things i don't wanna do, that is. but i'm not so anti-social ok! hung out with argh-mad and fiona till late, literally FEELING christmas fade away while we guffawed at the dumb antics we did years ago. it seems mad was part of the food fight i kept talking about. funny how i didn't know he existed when really, he's part of the one thing i fondly remember of in school. i'm willing to bet everyone i know has been subjected to the food fight story one way or another.

oh, the foooood and the vouchers and prezzies and THE FOOD AND THE FOOD AND THE FOOD. and unsober john going "cat you owe me coooork *gasp* aaaaaage". funny ah funny.

it's been a swell christmas.

oh the left eye got swollen and so did the entire left side of my face and i'm too stuffed with turkey and ham to lug my pantat to the nearest clinic.

talk about SWELL. hahahahaha.

anywaaaaaays. i'm off to put the finishing touches on the cards. WHOOOOO!

school? what school?

not muscle, but

a festering wound,
a healing rot -

the heart.

on the precipice of defeat

there lies fear, anguish and a bunch of other things. like ants.

my patience is wearing thin. throw me some new lemons, man.

lion <3 lamb

i caught a stephenie meyer novel on phil's table top yesterday and wondered "hey! how come he's reading?!" before promptly turning the book over to read the blurb.

"oh my god," i thought, "it's a vampire romance story" and died of shock.

of course, i did what any incredulous sister would do.

i revived out of curiosity AND read the book AND finished it. i shit you not. in all honesty, i sort of have a mild fascination about vampires. and i learnt that this book, twilight, has sequels! but would i read them?

oh god, no.

cos i read the synopsis on wikipedia. TEEHEEEHEEE.

but anyways! the hols are here. it officially started last friday BUT this /\/\/\/\/\ entity decides to make it more difficult for people like me to graduate and gave us a TWENTYFREAKINFIVE percent take home test on what could be the worst case study in my entire lifetime.

Tiger Airways.

if i fail, i will curl up in a ball, cry my heart out, refuse to eat and mumble "JENG... JENG...JENG..." until it drives my mother crazy enough to stop force-feeding me and let me die of starvation.

so we had fun during the whole process. spent a considerable amount of time in the school library, logged onto factiva, backing up the snot, oops i meant, SWOT analysis we whacked at that point. and then we spontaneously decided to take a trip down to changi airport to get our grubby hands on tiger airways collaterals!!! there were none in the end but we managed to talk to some passengers and it was so fun that i've decided to kah-poh peeeeeektures from audrey's blog and post it here. embellishments and shit are done by yours truly, although i only bothered for the first one. i'm a lazy bitch, i've dealt with it.

check kenneth checking himself out in the library.



and there's us being all chirpy on our IMC field trip. notice how i'm grinning like a serial killer?



and my back. i never knew my back looked like this. not like i was expecting a tail or spikey spine or anything.



and emmy awards (her name's emelyn, really. only i can come up with nicknames longer than a person's real name) with audrey, my all-time favourite radio partner. if anyone happened to be at level 8 in blk 53 the past few months and noticed hoots and howls of laughter coming from daw 3, its us. too bad we've come to the end of productions and have to work on a more mundane assignment - a station proposal. oh yeah. here's the photo before i forget.



so there you have it.

and the story goes on to us going our seperate ways, me going home and the three musketeers heading to ken's place to cheooooong. ended up sleeping a miserable hour before getting up to print my stuff and arrange the appendices and then, hastily barging through the gates. i realised i forgot my cover page and had to patah balik and anyhow whack one out, making me late for the hand-in.

exactly. sigh.

to nicely end this narrative how-my-day-went post, i'll tell you the 'resolution' part of the story. i dragged my feet home, changed into a loose t-shirt and slept so long, my dad thought i died. APPARENTLY what happened was that he tried to rouse a motionless catherine, didn't get a response and decided to seek the aid of a better, more experienced cat-rouser.

my sister.

she did what she usually did, that is, to leap unto my bed, put her face so close to mine that i can FEEL the air vibrate as she screams "caaaaathy you don't want to eaaaaaaat?!"

it seems i opened my eyes and said "i will fucking rip your head off" before sliding back into the covers. IN FRONT OF MY DADDY.

i don't remember any detail of it, to tell you the truth. but one thing that confused me even more was how steph analysed the whole situation before coming to the weirdest conclusion ever.

she said, rather triumphantly, that my temper was because i had "low blood pressure"

wah. macam doctor like that.

tangibly positive.

i know sometimes you get fed up and bored and say bad things. but i'm lucky i have you.

so what do you say back? what what what?

you say "HAHAHAHAHA OKAAAAAY" and shrug it off and then secretly ponder over it for days on end.

some things stick with you forever.

mostly the bad and the ugly. like e-mails and stuff.

and shorty finally came back. apparently she got confined by the 'thorities. i miss what used to be. but anyhoos, she and her sweetheart, nora, invited us to go to a lesbian bar where they *whooooops* moonlight. and i'm not even remotely lesbian, contrary to popular belief ah seriously.

seems like no matter how hard i try, this whole yin-yin energy keeps getting attracted to me. its like a self-fulfilling prophecy, balls. you act like i'm lesbian so i act like a lesbian. inevitable. anyways, girls are nice to watch, whether they're silently fuming or bitching or fussing or throwing tantrums. they're an entertaining lot, admit it. and it doesn't hurt that they're pretty, too.

and when you accidently touch them, they don't shoot you venom-filled glares because you don't have a dick! also applies to gays and geeks who talk to you with their eyes scrutinising the intricate designs on the concrete floor.

yeeeeeaaaaaah maaaaaan.

i mean, i'm not lesbian! i love maynard!

even though, sometimes, he wears a dress.

i'm nearly with you

the sun finally came out today. after 3 rainy, cold days. i know i love rain. but i couldn't enjoy the full extent of it because i was a walking glob of mucus AND because we had deadlines to tackle which, in the end, got extended but that's a boring story no one should be forced to listen to.

2 weeks of intensive research on britney spears is enough to hypnotise you. sad to say, i not only feel sorry for her, but i feel compelled to buy her 'Blackout' album. that's right. besides, her songs quite catchy lah even if its not as thought-provoking and brilliant as Tool's.

but i'm scared. one cannot be a britney fan and a tool fan at the same time. it defies logic. it defies the very rules the world unwittingly abides by. and i feel as if i've betrayed my Maynard. i have this constant image of a crouching him, drenched in blue paint, staring me down *shivers*

then again. i'm not her fan by default. i'm her pity fan. a PFAN, pronounced as PAN, as in 'bread' in japanese.

so, anyway the sun came out today and with it, hope and joy and a bunch of other things. like butterflies.

i wore yellow, whether you care or not, because i was happy. and i bumped into christiana and we shared the same bus ride! oh, sheer joy. as if my day couldn't get any better, my throat stopped hurting and my widdle head cleared! check out all the exclamations i've put in!!!!!! isn't it great?! i honestly feel like an exclamation mark!!! all excited and confident and happy and free-spirited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, maybe i was annoyed. but for 5 minutes, tops! and i got what i wanted in the end. subtle victory, even if it was subjective. i feel so proud and accomplished!!!!!!!!

mum force-fed me this blue-topped pill which i call vaginagra. it looks like placebo viagra ah seriously but works wonders for headaches and it makes you happy!!!!!!!

sigh.

borrowed energy is one thing. but borrowed endorphins? i stoop that low.

not fully functional

this post is specifically to garner sympathy.

it feels as if 10 mini freddy kreugars are slicing my throat at the same time. my head's pounding and i think my forehead might be able to fry an egg.

plus the weather is so nice. its been raining. i keep thinking about being wrapped up like sushi in my comforter, falling asleep to the sounds of the pitter-pattering of the rain.

but, noooooo. we is has work to does!

and phil doesn't care =(

i said "eh i'm sick. pity me." and he snorted and replied "don't take my fries. i'm hungry."

bleah.

okay, lah. not bad ah.

i had a good weekend, so to speak.

i cleaned a kid's stinky puke off the baby chair and witnessed his mum shout at his dad. poor hen-pecked fool. i'd bet he never knew she had a temper so foul. i thought she looked like a sweet thing, seriously. stupid bitch. made me clean up after her son without any apology, mind you! she just went "excuse me. he vomit ah" and without skipping a beat, went back to gorging herself with ikan panggang. yeah. my jaw dropped and my hair curled. it's not like his regurgitated mass smelt like roses, ok.

oh! and did i mention the fact that today, i fell asleep on 170 and ended up at the checkpoint?

yeah. i sorta wandered a bit and apparently set foot in the "restricted area". because i didnt have a passport, the officers had a mild heart attack. basically spent the next 45 minutes being escorted by officers from place to place. and i even got interrogated ah! how fucking awesome is that (sarcasm not intended)?! ok, so it was a 'going through the motions' thing, but still! i think it's awesome. and to be escorted by officers. fu-yoh. also, i saw uniformed boyish-looking-men wielding old-fashion looking guns AND ON THEIR HEADS, COWBOY HATS!! omg ah. adventure.

now all i really need is undisturbed sleep for at least 8 hours and i'd be oh-so-happy.

how was your day?

*sniggers snootily*

hey, hey! black capricorn day but it was called yellow, too.

concussed on the way home today. purposely chose the longest route home so i could leverage on my travelling time. but i'm honestly unsure if i passed out during the ride or just fell into a deep sleep. should i freak or assume the calm position of an intrigued subject-cum-scientist and examine my cerebral organ?

oh well.

i just had to satisfy my blogging itch with a post, no matter how short. seems like whenever i have an essay to churn out, my creative juices dissipates for the job but ends up being useful for something entirely redundant.

good news, though. i wrote 535 words in less than an hour. includes time taken for research and outline too! and its not anyhow whack job, ok. i'm taking this seriously because our lecturer, M, is such a nice person, he's like an intellectual version of father christmas, always telling the class how we make him happy.

gotta finish this up soon, though. there's still swots and recommendations to force out of my system before the sun rises.

i heard this from somewhere but i forgot who said it. "i don't sleep. i take naps."

yeaaah.

on a totally unrelated topic, i am not unhappy (:

sure, i could continue to lie to myself and live in decadent anticipation but if its for the greater good of all mankind, i don't see anything wrong. except for the self-denial but i'll survive.

guess what my essay was initially about? SEXUAL HARASSMENT - WHEN THE TABLES ARE TURNED. i was too ambitious. there is absolutely nothing on molested/raped men! why is it that only human beings without a dick get molested?

oh, i know.

because women are holier than men, ultimately, making them the better gender.

whooooo~

argh, headache lagi.

reverence

every breath i take is meant to exalt in the knowledge that I live.
and also, to mourn, because i will never be able to realise that that in itself is a prayer for Life.

i sometimes get awed by Nothing.
and then, i'll spoil the moment.

WAHLAUEH!!!!!!!!!!! (:

warning sign(s)

if only i could undo the past few days. maybe then i wouldnt misplace my charger either. hahahaha.

i thought you'd be different, man. and if you weren't, i thought i could handle it.

i am a coward, if you haven't already figured it out. i realised how stupid you thought i was, thinly disguising it into something laughable. i thought it was clever of me to play along!

well, congrats, loh.

i got burnt. i got burnt, with barely enough time for me to lick my wounds before you get to rub salt in it.

congrats, loh!

oh, karma. its when you feel as if you've killed a kid before or something along those lines.

but i'll finish what i fucking started, half-hearted as it would be.

because i am of the akhbreed, even if its not that funny anymore.

of old ladies and attap houses, should i get to that part

you know, for all my accumulated loathing for Si Celaka, i kinda feel sorry for him because no one should feel that way. it comes to a point where you really need to keep yourself in check but you can't do it because you are you. it's absolutely futile, similar to a situation where you try to put makeup on without using a mirror. you know what you're supposed to do but you can't go about it the way you want to. in that sense, many realise where they have to change but they just can't change at the snap of a finger. its awkward and it usually never works.

so you end up feeling like shit, which i totally understand (but not really because her highness thinks she's perfect and of the akhbreed species therefore is at a position of supreme perfection, that is to say, she is perfecter than perfect one ok!).

but i'm just saying that for today cos i'm in a good mood and the compassionate part of me decided to be dominant.

the more mean side of me says "he fucking deserves it ah!" but right now, my monster-bitch persona is about as harmful as a pinkie-sized barney with fangs.

sigh.

3 more months.