1001 days unseen

OMG.

So a year has (almost) passed, hooray the world hasn't ended yet!

Am I the only one who is quite apprehensive about the new year? I think I am. Just like every eve of the eve of new year's, I dread the coming year. DREAD IT. DREAD IT. DREAD IT.

Honestly, it's that time of the year again where you get lost in misanthropic thoughts and hatch sinister plots to take over the world or worse, hand the world over to aliens who'd rule us through dictatorship, fueling it with threats to conduct inhuman experiments on us or eat us alive.

Ok lah, I'm not usually such a gloomy person. As proof of my increasingly cheery disposition, my wardrobe has changed drastically. I have more colours now, especially yellow. I just bought a yellow polka-dotted top because it made me feel happy. Not that you care. Oh. And i have 5 pairs of heels, 2 of which are potential suicide aids if you'd like to die with your spine twisted in an awkward position.

Yeah. I can't believe it either.

It won't be long before i own a proper dress. OMG. SO SCARY.

On the same topic, I have decided to try my hand at some t-shirt deconstruction. 1st step is to transform my OP t-shirts (yeah i know, shut up) into awesome halters or something along those lines.

Now, to learn how to thread a needle.

exuberance on this unholy night

it was a blast, even when we lost a 2 hr game of taboo. sigh. team Insane suay lah thats why.

anyhoos, i'm waiting for gg & chris to send me the pics so i can put it up and show you how halloween can be celebrated during this festive season. can be done, can be done. of course, chris' parents were a bit bewildered at such a theme but its all in good fun! we even got to subject zh and gg to our make up experiments, i mean, expertise.

sigh. i love you guys, man. love, love, love. its only with you that i can be exuberant and ecstatic and excited and ex-everything and not be the post-secondary sarcastic, cynical little bitch that i am.

SIGH.

and i'm going to start '08 with nary a resolution. fuck resolutions. who cares? i won't keep it anyway. "i will exercise regularly" uh yeaaaaaaaaaaah. "i won't cuss" UH HUH. "i'll be punctual." HEH HEH HEH.

anyway, whooo! next year, i'll be twen-teen!

i feel old, like how a two-decade old person should feel.

i also feel drained. but its quite safe to say that i'm naive enough to think the world's still a mighty pretty place. i mean, i can still tune out ugly things and ignore them until they go away or bite me in the ass when i'm more prepared. or just ignore them again until they disappear from the face of this earth.

ok, maybe i will have a resolution after all. that is, to stop being apathetic and care. as in, really care. like, if you cry, i should feel your pain or blah blah blah sort of care. i think i used to be that way a long time a go but i can hardly remember how it feels like.

i don't want to say 'i don't give a fuck' anymore. and i don't wanna NOT give a fuck either. its sad. it makes me feel like an observing entity and not Life's participant.

but enough self-improvement musings and shit. i should get to bed now. tomorrow's gonna be a long day.

tiiiis the season to be jolly. falalalalalalalalallaafluck.

axe-mas is over. ok. not really, since the gothic-themed party has yet to happen. I'M SO FUHREAKING EXCITED!!!!

to-to-to-today we're gonna get the black candles and and and get a white table cloth and rip it and splatter fake blood all over it. i'm almost done with the home-made gothic cards! will put pics of em up as soon as i'm un-lazy and un-stuffed.

so fun!

i conveniently disappeared when the auntie-auntie and uncle-uncle dropped by. i should do that more often. put my foot down and not do things i don't wanna do, that is. but i'm not so anti-social ok! hung out with argh-mad and fiona till late, literally FEELING christmas fade away while we guffawed at the dumb antics we did years ago. it seems mad was part of the food fight i kept talking about. funny how i didn't know he existed when really, he's part of the one thing i fondly remember of in school. i'm willing to bet everyone i know has been subjected to the food fight story one way or another.

oh, the foooood and the vouchers and prezzies and THE FOOD AND THE FOOD AND THE FOOD. and unsober john going "cat you owe me coooork *gasp* aaaaaage". funny ah funny.

it's been a swell christmas.

oh the left eye got swollen and so did the entire left side of my face and i'm too stuffed with turkey and ham to lug my pantat to the nearest clinic.

talk about SWELL. hahahahaha.

anywaaaaaays. i'm off to put the finishing touches on the cards. WHOOOOO!

school? what school?

not muscle, but

a festering wound,
a healing rot -

the heart.

on the precipice of defeat

there lies fear, anguish and a bunch of other things. like ants.

my patience is wearing thin. throw me some new lemons, man.

lion <3 lamb

i caught a stephenie meyer novel on phil's table top yesterday and wondered "hey! how come he's reading?!" before promptly turning the book over to read the blurb.

"oh my god," i thought, "it's a vampire romance story" and died of shock.

of course, i did what any incredulous sister would do.

i revived out of curiosity AND read the book AND finished it. i shit you not. in all honesty, i sort of have a mild fascination about vampires. and i learnt that this book, twilight, has sequels! but would i read them?

oh god, no.

cos i read the synopsis on wikipedia. TEEHEEEHEEE.

but anyways! the hols are here. it officially started last friday BUT this /\/\/\/\/\ entity decides to make it more difficult for people like me to graduate and gave us a TWENTYFREAKINFIVE percent take home test on what could be the worst case study in my entire lifetime.

Tiger Airways.

if i fail, i will curl up in a ball, cry my heart out, refuse to eat and mumble "JENG... JENG...JENG..." until it drives my mother crazy enough to stop force-feeding me and let me die of starvation.

so we had fun during the whole process. spent a considerable amount of time in the school library, logged onto factiva, backing up the snot, oops i meant, SWOT analysis we whacked at that point. and then we spontaneously decided to take a trip down to changi airport to get our grubby hands on tiger airways collaterals!!! there were none in the end but we managed to talk to some passengers and it was so fun that i've decided to kah-poh peeeeeektures from audrey's blog and post it here. embellishments and shit are done by yours truly, although i only bothered for the first one. i'm a lazy bitch, i've dealt with it.

check kenneth checking himself out in the library.



and there's us being all chirpy on our IMC field trip. notice how i'm grinning like a serial killer?



and my back. i never knew my back looked like this. not like i was expecting a tail or spikey spine or anything.



and emmy awards (her name's emelyn, really. only i can come up with nicknames longer than a person's real name) with audrey, my all-time favourite radio partner. if anyone happened to be at level 8 in blk 53 the past few months and noticed hoots and howls of laughter coming from daw 3, its us. too bad we've come to the end of productions and have to work on a more mundane assignment - a station proposal. oh yeah. here's the photo before i forget.



so there you have it.

and the story goes on to us going our seperate ways, me going home and the three musketeers heading to ken's place to cheooooong. ended up sleeping a miserable hour before getting up to print my stuff and arrange the appendices and then, hastily barging through the gates. i realised i forgot my cover page and had to patah balik and anyhow whack one out, making me late for the hand-in.

exactly. sigh.

to nicely end this narrative how-my-day-went post, i'll tell you the 'resolution' part of the story. i dragged my feet home, changed into a loose t-shirt and slept so long, my dad thought i died. APPARENTLY what happened was that he tried to rouse a motionless catherine, didn't get a response and decided to seek the aid of a better, more experienced cat-rouser.

my sister.

she did what she usually did, that is, to leap unto my bed, put her face so close to mine that i can FEEL the air vibrate as she screams "caaaaathy you don't want to eaaaaaaat?!"

it seems i opened my eyes and said "i will fucking rip your head off" before sliding back into the covers. IN FRONT OF MY DADDY.

i don't remember any detail of it, to tell you the truth. but one thing that confused me even more was how steph analysed the whole situation before coming to the weirdest conclusion ever.

she said, rather triumphantly, that my temper was because i had "low blood pressure"

wah. macam doctor like that.

tangibly positive.

i know sometimes you get fed up and bored and say bad things. but i'm lucky i have you.

so what do you say back? what what what?

you say "HAHAHAHAHA OKAAAAAY" and shrug it off and then secretly ponder over it for days on end.

some things stick with you forever.

mostly the bad and the ugly. like e-mails and stuff.

and shorty finally came back. apparently she got confined by the 'thorities. i miss what used to be. but anyhoos, she and her sweetheart, nora, invited us to go to a lesbian bar where they *whooooops* moonlight. and i'm not even remotely lesbian, contrary to popular belief ah seriously.

seems like no matter how hard i try, this whole yin-yin energy keeps getting attracted to me. its like a self-fulfilling prophecy, balls. you act like i'm lesbian so i act like a lesbian. inevitable. anyways, girls are nice to watch, whether they're silently fuming or bitching or fussing or throwing tantrums. they're an entertaining lot, admit it. and it doesn't hurt that they're pretty, too.

and when you accidently touch them, they don't shoot you venom-filled glares because you don't have a dick! also applies to gays and geeks who talk to you with their eyes scrutinising the intricate designs on the concrete floor.

yeeeeeaaaaaah maaaaaan.

i mean, i'm not lesbian! i love maynard!

even though, sometimes, he wears a dress.

i'm nearly with you

the sun finally came out today. after 3 rainy, cold days. i know i love rain. but i couldn't enjoy the full extent of it because i was a walking glob of mucus AND because we had deadlines to tackle which, in the end, got extended but that's a boring story no one should be forced to listen to.

2 weeks of intensive research on britney spears is enough to hypnotise you. sad to say, i not only feel sorry for her, but i feel compelled to buy her 'Blackout' album. that's right. besides, her songs quite catchy lah even if its not as thought-provoking and brilliant as Tool's.

but i'm scared. one cannot be a britney fan and a tool fan at the same time. it defies logic. it defies the very rules the world unwittingly abides by. and i feel as if i've betrayed my Maynard. i have this constant image of a crouching him, drenched in blue paint, staring me down *shivers*

then again. i'm not her fan by default. i'm her pity fan. a PFAN, pronounced as PAN, as in 'bread' in japanese.

so, anyway the sun came out today and with it, hope and joy and a bunch of other things. like butterflies.

i wore yellow, whether you care or not, because i was happy. and i bumped into christiana and we shared the same bus ride! oh, sheer joy. as if my day couldn't get any better, my throat stopped hurting and my widdle head cleared! check out all the exclamations i've put in!!!!!! isn't it great?! i honestly feel like an exclamation mark!!! all excited and confident and happy and free-spirited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, maybe i was annoyed. but for 5 minutes, tops! and i got what i wanted in the end. subtle victory, even if it was subjective. i feel so proud and accomplished!!!!!!!!

mum force-fed me this blue-topped pill which i call vaginagra. it looks like placebo viagra ah seriously but works wonders for headaches and it makes you happy!!!!!!!

sigh.

borrowed energy is one thing. but borrowed endorphins? i stoop that low.

not fully functional

this post is specifically to garner sympathy.

it feels as if 10 mini freddy kreugars are slicing my throat at the same time. my head's pounding and i think my forehead might be able to fry an egg.

plus the weather is so nice. its been raining. i keep thinking about being wrapped up like sushi in my comforter, falling asleep to the sounds of the pitter-pattering of the rain.

but, noooooo. we is has work to does!

and phil doesn't care =(

i said "eh i'm sick. pity me." and he snorted and replied "don't take my fries. i'm hungry."

bleah.

okay, lah. not bad ah.

i had a good weekend, so to speak.

i cleaned a kid's stinky puke off the baby chair and witnessed his mum shout at his dad. poor hen-pecked fool. i'd bet he never knew she had a temper so foul. i thought she looked like a sweet thing, seriously. stupid bitch. made me clean up after her son without any apology, mind you! she just went "excuse me. he vomit ah" and without skipping a beat, went back to gorging herself with ikan panggang. yeah. my jaw dropped and my hair curled. it's not like his regurgitated mass smelt like roses, ok.

oh! and did i mention the fact that today, i fell asleep on 170 and ended up at the checkpoint?

yeah. i sorta wandered a bit and apparently set foot in the "restricted area". because i didnt have a passport, the officers had a mild heart attack. basically spent the next 45 minutes being escorted by officers from place to place. and i even got interrogated ah! how fucking awesome is that (sarcasm not intended)?! ok, so it was a 'going through the motions' thing, but still! i think it's awesome. and to be escorted by officers. fu-yoh. also, i saw uniformed boyish-looking-men wielding old-fashion looking guns AND ON THEIR HEADS, COWBOY HATS!! omg ah. adventure.

now all i really need is undisturbed sleep for at least 8 hours and i'd be oh-so-happy.

how was your day?

*sniggers snootily*

hey, hey! black capricorn day but it was called yellow, too.

concussed on the way home today. purposely chose the longest route home so i could leverage on my travelling time. but i'm honestly unsure if i passed out during the ride or just fell into a deep sleep. should i freak or assume the calm position of an intrigued subject-cum-scientist and examine my cerebral organ?

oh well.

i just had to satisfy my blogging itch with a post, no matter how short. seems like whenever i have an essay to churn out, my creative juices dissipates for the job but ends up being useful for something entirely redundant.

good news, though. i wrote 535 words in less than an hour. includes time taken for research and outline too! and its not anyhow whack job, ok. i'm taking this seriously because our lecturer, M, is such a nice person, he's like an intellectual version of father christmas, always telling the class how we make him happy.

gotta finish this up soon, though. there's still swots and recommendations to force out of my system before the sun rises.

i heard this from somewhere but i forgot who said it. "i don't sleep. i take naps."

yeaaah.

on a totally unrelated topic, i am not unhappy (:

sure, i could continue to lie to myself and live in decadent anticipation but if its for the greater good of all mankind, i don't see anything wrong. except for the self-denial but i'll survive.

guess what my essay was initially about? SEXUAL HARASSMENT - WHEN THE TABLES ARE TURNED. i was too ambitious. there is absolutely nothing on molested/raped men! why is it that only human beings without a dick get molested?

oh, i know.

because women are holier than men, ultimately, making them the better gender.

whooooo~

argh, headache lagi.

reverence

every breath i take is meant to exalt in the knowledge that I live.
and also, to mourn, because i will never be able to realise that that in itself is a prayer for Life.

i sometimes get awed by Nothing.
and then, i'll spoil the moment.

WAHLAUEH!!!!!!!!!!! (:

warning sign(s)

if only i could undo the past few days. maybe then i wouldnt misplace my charger either. hahahaha.

i thought you'd be different, man. and if you weren't, i thought i could handle it.

i am a coward, if you haven't already figured it out. i realised how stupid you thought i was, thinly disguising it into something laughable. i thought it was clever of me to play along!

well, congrats, loh.

i got burnt. i got burnt, with barely enough time for me to lick my wounds before you get to rub salt in it.

congrats, loh!

oh, karma. its when you feel as if you've killed a kid before or something along those lines.

but i'll finish what i fucking started, half-hearted as it would be.

because i am of the akhbreed, even if its not that funny anymore.

of old ladies and attap houses, should i get to that part

you know, for all my accumulated loathing for Si Celaka, i kinda feel sorry for him because no one should feel that way. it comes to a point where you really need to keep yourself in check but you can't do it because you are you. it's absolutely futile, similar to a situation where you try to put makeup on without using a mirror. you know what you're supposed to do but you can't go about it the way you want to. in that sense, many realise where they have to change but they just can't change at the snap of a finger. its awkward and it usually never works.

so you end up feeling like shit, which i totally understand (but not really because her highness thinks she's perfect and of the akhbreed species therefore is at a position of supreme perfection, that is to say, she is perfecter than perfect one ok!).

but i'm just saying that for today cos i'm in a good mood and the compassionate part of me decided to be dominant.

the more mean side of me says "he fucking deserves it ah!" but right now, my monster-bitch persona is about as harmful as a pinkie-sized barney with fangs.

sigh.

3 more months.

temporarily pacify me (aiyah action only lah)

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHARGH.

holy shit holy shit holy shit.

the good die young, right? i'm gonna live 10 more decades, i'm telling you.

by the way. I BEAT MIHO AT SOLITAIRE SHOWDOWN. after like 3 bad streaks, i recuperated my losses in 2 games. did i mention i beat nana (sometimes) too?

and they're all SS QUEENS.

so what does that make me?

MEGASUPERROCKSTAR SS QUEEN, DAMMIT!

in the spirit of my victory, i declare today a public holiday for any direct descendants of my line. including clones.

the day is to be spent meditating over my excellent strategies and persevering spirit. 2 virgins, boy and girl, will be sacrificed on the peak of bukit timah hill to appease my restless spirit. also, the head of the family has to eat chocolates with rice as penance for MY SINS, sorry i meant, the world's. NOT chocolate rice. chocolate WITH rice. oh oh and APC AND TOOL would be banned in the near future awith my clan secret supporters of them, thus, making it more exciting to worship, i mean, support maynard.

it'll be an awesome community.

oh, oops. double you oh are kay.

i can has super famous fetish-themed cafe!!

AWESOME, no??

guess who gets to be the talent scout?

what the hell

exactly.

fuck you and everything that represents you! GRRR.

on second thought..

bloody cake

phil doesn't want to talk to me because he's "tired lah, cat".

now he's asleep right in front of me with his mouth wide open.

so, i've been feeling quite bad for the past ten minutes and came up with that totally irrelevent little thing at the bottom of this.

Real,
the second of disdain in the air,
that unbearable re-regret,
the obvious subtleness,
That uncertain joy,
the question to the question.

"i cannot touch your shoulder, i cannot touch your head. then touch what siah?"

excellent question.

i am untouchable, loh, thats why. i am of the akhbreed, human.

touch me not.

like magic

i'm so tired and my headaches are so constant it'll be odd if i don't wake up with a throbbing head.

it's not like the rush has started or anything but lately, i've been feeling out of sorts.

tool

ok i normally never click on youtube videos unless i'm in it so its not like i expect you to click on the 2 awesomely awesome video clips that will follow my equally awesome lohsoh post.

still, i'm telling you, don't be a fag. just click and be awesomely awed for the next 10 minutes.

here's a vid made by a fan. the song's about the founder of weed. watch the video. it's brilliant and fah*toot*ing funny and it brings tears to my eyes. if you want, you can mute the speakers lah. its still funny.



the next one aku suka. Tool back in 1993. see that singer crouching macam cro magnon? that's my dreamboat, maynard. the one i supposedly have, against the wall, a life-sized poster of. yeah. Him. sounds awesome live, doesn't he? so he's not exactly the picture of a glam rockstar. but those are boring. oh, stop reading and watch man.



sigh. even HSPIPF doesn't come close to maynard. or my daddy, for that matter. or my sweet brother who left his headphones home so that i could use them today (mine got busted again). he didnt even tell me he let me use them. i thought i was just lucky he forgot. it seems that he didnt! wah. i honestly felt like hugging him when he said "no lah. you dont have right." so nonchalantly as if it didnt matter. is spare ones sucks ah! i doubt i'd have done the same man. but phil doesnt like hugs period.

sometimes i wonder why i have sad days. i have tool, the francis clan, gabby's cookies, chris' unconditional love, zh's sama-wavelength-ngan-aku jokes, RY and maggot's willing company and the GOTHIC THEMED HARRY POTTER GHOST PARTY TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

oh yeah. and 1/0 and xkcd.com

and school's getting to be an interesting challenge to tackle. whoooopeedoogoldberg.

its so nice to wake up all achy but with a positive attitude. it doesn't happen often but i sure as hell am relishing it.

splitting headache & ear-splitting screams.

i feel bad for the man who swings a super-sized string of beads around his body for money because he does it non-stop and still he never stops smiling.

i'm in one of those moods where there's a crack somewhere in the crevice of my heart and i feel like the world doesn't revolve around me or, worse still, the people around me.

and you know what?

panadol really does work. i always knew it did but i always took it for granted. it's been barely half an hour and my throbbing temple has been numbed.

on a little sad note, today, on the bus, i thought about something so sad, i refuse to put in down in this post because mfft jafuuuut hajada ghannyzadokmuck1overzerototallyrocksandilovetailsteak.

but i assure you, i was a tad sad and this is proof =[

anyhoos, i feel the need to gush about hes-so-pee-in-pants-funny (HSPIPF). here's why.

HSPIPF: cat that looks really good!
cat: don't bluff loh. with you i don't know if it's a joke or if you're serious.
HSPIPF: (earnestly) no no no im serious. it really looks good.
cat: uh huh. ok. fine. thanks.
HSPIPF: yeah. it really does... on the hanger.

HAHAHAHAH fah*toot*ing hell really bluff me one! ok i knoooow im supposed to be insulted/paiseh/act-like-kena-jack. but it was funny ah. and i guess, for someone who has a thick hide of keratin in place of her epidermis, i have rhino-thick skin. so compliments NOT meant for me, i'll take. insults that would usually make a little girl walk away in a huff, i'll also take.

see, i'm so thick-skinned, i ended up talking about my amazing thick-skinnedness rather than gush about HSPIPF.

ok basically he's so funny i might have a little crushy wushy on him that'll definitely disappear if i don't see his face for the next, say, 48 hours or so. BUT OMG LAH, CAAAAAAT.

oh! and and and aaaaaand i am MOTIVATED now bebeh. one person to thank: asshole2007. yeppers. as such, the old cat has regained consciousness after 2.5 years of slumber where, in all honesty, the only think i've learnt so far is the many routes to block 52, 53 and 56. from shit-ah-laaaate routes, to enjoy-the sun-routes, to buy-snacks-before-class routes.

its been a fruitful education. i think that's more important than reveling in the knowledge of market segmentation or stare decisis or even the pseudo-interesting-because-its-pseudo-obscure wasps (as in bees).

here's smth funny i saw on today's life! comic section.

bucky katt: i think, therefore i'm annoyed.
rob: no. you talk therefore you annoy.

dont give up

amazing.

remember murphy's law? i thought i was done with it after my iap stint. i thought, hey, now i've learnt my lesson, no more procrastinating, no more assumptions. so everything's gonna be fine.

but hey, that itself was an assumption.

murphy never fails to fail, i tell you. its damn funny.

aud and i finished our capsule like 2 days earlier and the day before D DAY, i realised we had a slight information glitch. minor thing, but it matters.

my point is, murphy's law strikes as and when. and on the day i'm having a tummy upset somemore! (never fucking drink expired milk even if it tastes/smells ok) i mean, how low can murphy get, man.

i wish it was xmas already. no, i wish it was the 27th of december already, then we could have our gothic harry potter ghost xmas party. the thought of it is the only thing keeping me going.

but well.

because ive decided to utilise my stubbornness for good and not evil, i am stubbornly being happy despite my extremely cmi day. i am also going to bravely face my scary long day tomorrow, which starts at 8 in the fucking aye am and ends at probably 9 in the fucking pee am. radio talk show, followed by a 3 hr break filled with capsule correction, marketing meeting and medlaw meeting-cum-assignment-hand-in and then there's imc lecture and tutorial. the day ends with another round of facing protools for capsule number 2.

and its not like i'm gonna have an early night either.

sucks eggs eh?

rifts

if you came for a fix of another person's sorry state of mind, you've come to the right place. welcome and please, don't regret this silly decision because i am going to waste your time.

and for once, shut the fuck up about my whole stand on angst. i won't laugh it off anymore. i'm being totally seriously now even if it doesn't seem like it.

and i'll know if you've read this because your eyes will tell how you're inwardly laughing your ass out, inwardly mocking me for my folly, for my sudden desire for truth and for my stubborn little self.

i am falling. thats it. i want to run away from everything even if finally things are somewhat on an okay side. my weekends are no longer spent at The Greased Hell, i'm coping with the many changes in school and i'm much more focused and motivated finally.

but i will never be happy. because all it took was for me to say one word before i got a glimpse of everyone's insides. my father's boredom, my mother's frustration, my pessimism, phil's indifference and steph's innocence. i tell you now, we are all going mad. i know i am. pick apart the jokes and the light-hearted banter, thats what you get. near insanity.

it bothers me and i am tired. the only one who can put things in context is probably my bff baby brother.

i get bothered by everything. the little innocent comments you make. the timely or untimely snorts, glares and sighs. the sarcasm, the what-the-fucks, the obligatory giggle. the truth-sessions where everyone bedek bedek come out of their shell and share things even idiots can figure out. it bothers me.

i don't laugh all the time ok. neither am i lame all the time. i just find obscure humour in everything. truth be told, i am a brooding gloomy little thing. sometimes i think maybe i have asperger's or something, just without the being-a-savant part.

yeah ok fine ill give myself some credit.

im out.

if i'd have spoken straighter

I HAVE A MILLION THINGS TO DO AND I'M BLOGGING.

CONFIRM DIE CONFIRM DIE CONFIRM DIE

ok lah no lah. im actually quite focused today. this is one of the many two minute breaks i've allowed myself. oh, and i took 15 two minute breaks one shot just to watch The Noose.

oh yeah confirm die confirm die confirm die.

The Noose is funny. im being totally seriously right now.

and also, i've come to realise how my daddy is going crazy. uh huh. i need to come up with an awesome project for him to work on. probably get him some model ship pieces thing or something. i don't know. what do old men like?

shall i get him a knitting starter kit?

*cough*

w910i....w910i....w910i....

mischief without malice <3

just watched the news. according to reports, 1 in 4 singaporeans may be carrying superbugs like *** and m-something-or-another. of course, it was only tested on 100 people before they entered the hospital. if you did the math, only 25 people were carriers.

so maybe those 25 were unique occurrences. or maybe the 75 were the unique occurrences and, really, the rest of the untested singaporeans are carriers of the superbugs.

scary man!

what if the superbugs turn out to be the rage virus? oh wait. there's a difference between bacteria and virus. ok, then WHAT IF THE SUPERBUGS TURN OUT TO BE THE RAGE BACTERIA AND, LIKE ANY SUPERBUG, IS IMMUNE TO ALL SORTS OF ANTIBIOTICS EXISTENT IN THE WORLD?

die loh, like that. one day i will really be the last person on earth. alamak. see? now the world's fate lies on my shoulders. streeeeesssss siah.

hey! relief my stress.

the new w910i sony ericsson damn nice, right! (:

tuesdays!

tuesdays are the best. im a bit woozy from self-medication but i still managed to finish my part of the capsule script, really drill in my brain wtf stare decisis is and the other law-de-daws, do some obligatory group work AND finish watching zombie loan.

yeah balls. yeah! yeah! yeah!

i prolly was a bit pmsish the last time. and i took the whole thing down! i mean, the language! i'm bound to go to hell loh, like that.

guess what. i'll do what cat always does in not-very-pleasant situations like these. tahaaaan, tahaaaaan, tahaaaaan and try not to complain ah. bahahahahaaaaargh. yeah. oh and not to talk to myself because PEOPLE CAN HEAR SIAH. it was so funny just now! imagine all the non-commital "uh... yeah" i got. but what to do. its the meds. its as if i was wading through oil the whole day and i kept zoning out.

i think meds make me cranky. yeah. thats it.

oh yeah. meiji coffee milk rocks. go get some and be totally stumped at how the rich flavour caresses your tastebuds. (i was about to say tantalise... but caress sounds super waaah)

yeah. done

YOU FUCKING BITCH (:

like, totally

i am officially part of the dead undead society, where dead zombies petition for a third chance to be alive again. this time, to live it up.

ok. lars and the real girl. it's a story that makes you have a perpetual lump in your throat. ryan gosling was the best choice for the part of lars. imagine tom cruise acting the part! or or or or monotonous keanu reeves! but must watch man.

so anyway im wide awake now. talk cock with fiona until we fell asleep on the couch. macam got a thousand and one stories to say man. i predict i am going to be unproductive for the next few hours. that makes it the third day i've been stubbornly unproductive.

what to do. i going through temporaria rebelliusus phasa. its a dreaded disease that strikes a t the wrong time.

eh, what are you waiting for? go watch lars and the real girl and be awed.

waiting for my rocket to come

all i do is sleep and when i'm awake, i feel sleepy. i just had a 6 hour nap and it was so odd! i thought i was awake and walking aimlessly from my room to the living room and back again. but apparently, i was snoring away on the couch the whole time! and my specs and handphone mysteriously appeared on the floor, which is nuts because my mum has successfully drilled the 'no stuff on the floor except chairs, tables and rugs' litany into my little head.

on a normal day, i can't even think straight! it's like i'm in this state of near-drunkenness where my arms feel like a separate entity and it takes me a second longer to process conversations.

and i have semi-flu symptoms everyday of the week.

i think i'm going to die, man!

ps: should i drop dead and its a deadline week, please help me to hand in my assignments to the respective pigeon holes and digital dropboxes.

pps: i dont have a will. oh. please sell my shoes on ebay. some of them have never been worn. (dont touch my maroon pointy heel thing. bury me with them) please use the money to buy an awesome urn for my ashes. i don't want to be in a crematorium where my ashes get slotted into some brickwall with the inscriptions fading into oblivion over time and no one is allowed to bring real flowers in. BORINGGGGGG.

ppps: i don't want wreaths ok. i just want plenty of sunflowers at my wake. i think they're awesome. roses are pfffffffffffffftt, even more so with lilies and carnations.

pppps: die die philip must sing ok. something from APC. I DON'T CARE. no jazz at all. and he must give me an excellent eulogy WITHOUT any grunting and snorting.

pppppps: the girls must go to the toilet and cry.

ppppppps: every fortnight, an appointed person will need to converse with my urn so that, by some warped stroke of genius, the person might be able to decipher what little nuggets of random garble i muttered in my lifetime.

thats it. back to scripting. boringgggggg.

let me paint you a pretty picture. hahahahahahaha

ok so i'm looking at the post before the last and i'm wondering, what on earth did i eat to make me ramble what i did that day? because i'm happy today. and fuck you if you hooray-ed at the thought of me not posting anymore. it will never happen in this lifetime or the next. i've tried it at least 3 times and it just never happens.

you can say that i've finally come to terms with myself. yeap. that's it. can't take the good without the bad, right? i say, its my 'bad' that makes me who i bloody am! so there. ROAR.

1. i am anti-social. i don't have a compelling reason for me to make friends.

2. the things i say are totally irrelevent at the right times.

3. i will always have flab around the tummy. no amount of exercise and healthy eating will correct that. all it ever does is make my boobs smaller. dammit. bring on the fucking cadburys!

4. i have the tendency to embarrass myself at least thrice a day, unintentionally. yes. sometimes i intentionally embarrass myself so that i can LMAO.

5. i am a total attention seeker. even when i'm silent. hey!

6. i have a big ego but STILL have insecurities. like my hair, for one. and my dark eye circles.

7. i don't have baggage. i was just born cynical. i haven't led a sad life neither am i living one at the moment. ok maybe on a bad day it gets quite morose.

8. i am a bitch. everything i say, do, NOT say or NOT do is meant to belittle you in my own little, subjective way. it may seem innocent and not at all obvious but deeeep down inside, i like to feel superior. even if i'm not as smart or not as pretty or not as whatever. monsters survive that way. its either that or i openly take over the world and make everyone kowtow to me. lesser of two evils, man. be thankful.

9. i laugh one-kind. so much so that it becomes synonymous with my reputation. cat= the one who laugh so fucking loud, i don't want to be in the same room as her.

10. i am actually quite calm. if i ever have a fit its only because the situation calls for it. not because i am panicking. even my "oh fuck fuck fuck" is something along the lines of a conditioned reflex, but not really. i don't have to think. i just swear like hell when something supposedly negative happens. but my heart never ever beats fast and neither do i feel like fainting or whatever it is you feel like when you're in deep shit.

11. while i don't panic, i do get angry. very easily. 'nuff said.

12. i bite my fingernails and i have a feeling i'll die from keratin ingestion just like how that girl died from eating her hair. i wonder how it'll feel like. will i feel pain? will i just collapse and die sprawled on the ground in an unglam manner?

13. if you haven't noticed, i'm quite lohsoh.

but i'm not THAT bad. for every negative habit i have, there's always 4 positive things about me. yeah. i am that great. kowtow loh.

tired. uninspired. unmotivated.

see, my name is gramma funk, ya'll

but anyway. it's gonna be a busy sem. alot of things not going my way, but alot of other things falling nicely into place as well.

can't take the good without the bad, eh?

its a price.

i reckon i wont be posting much here in future. i'd only be whining, ranting, remarking all at the same time, so much so that this... space... is being misused as a little peekhole to my angry side. even after i swore a whitewash. no pictures some more siah. macam The Cat Litany of Survival like that siah.

my blog's bias. and this isn't a fair representation of me. i'm not such an angry person. neither am i wistful and fragile. neither am i tough. neither am i confused. neither am i needy. neither am i independant.

i am cat because i am not alot of things.

i guess for a whole load of us, what we don't show would be what we truly are. but i am naive like that.

i'll just be where i am. laughing at you laughing at me, keep my own counsel as much as i can. snort.

WAAAAH CAT, SO INSIGHTFUL SIAH.

yeah lah. i growing up what.

AH, TALAGA!

i'll cut to the chase.

i should've said something appropriate, not laugh it off.

i'm regretting it terribly and if i do make you feel small and unimportant, i apologise. because that was exactly my motive. at that time, at least.

see you after forever, okaaaaaaay?

i'll miss you, too.

oh-hokay

i don't get it, ah.

el cheapo. i mean, la cheapo. i mean, la cheaparista.

bloody hell. my nose has enlarged pores and sooner or later, they're gonna turn into whiteheads and then, they'll turn into The Dreaded Blackheads.

time to get myself those biore pore pack, was what i told myself. so there i was at guardian, faced with the biggest life-changing decision of all: to get the BLACK biore pore pack or the WHITE one. i mean really, the black one was 45cents dearer. so i thought, heeeeyyyy maybe it works better cos its BLACK. maybe there's like some super power BLACK potion in the BLACK biore pore pack!

i took ten minutes poring over the details of both types and i'll bet you wouldn't believe what i found out. the BLACK pore pack was better because you could see your peeled blackheads/whiteheads on the strips clearer.

my sentiments exactly. WHAAAAAT DA FUUUUUCCCCK.

45cents more just so i can see those abominations CLEARER. SIAO. why would i need that for? to keep track of the weekly accumulated dirt in my pores? the fact that it's harder to make out a BLACK head against a BLACK background totally defeats the purpose. like, totally.

ok, so maybe it works for gothic chicks/gothic dudes. like, the world is a cold dark place, yo. i have a black strip covering the tip of my nose. oh, how the blackness mirrors my bleeding heart. nil esperandum, be miserable, i miserable.

suit yourself lah.

45 cents is not alot. but i'm el cheapo ok? and paying a little more just so i can see my pores clearer? its like making me buy a pack of cigarettes and telling me i need them cos then i can see how much air i've inhaled and exhaled, keep track of my lung capacity and, maybe, detect any bronchial abnormalities early.

kena suckered, man.

that's why i love marketing. BLARGH. BLARGH, BLARGH! HONK.

it cannot not end

rotting was never a positive activity (ok, fine, inactivity) and i'd better do something before lard settles at my bottom.

finally decided to sit down and tinker with fruitloops studio demo version. cheated a bit by playing samples and then working backwards, opening up the channels and looking at the settings. quite fun but i got bored. its just out of interest lah, the whole, if they can do it, why can't i. i reckon i could do it if i had enough interest, had someone explain the jargon and crap and if i spent lesser time watching supernatural-themed animes. haaahahaha. i know. i know. but its not unlike me. i've always found hantus, demons and vampires fascinating. i know its not true. ok, i hope they're not true. but i just like lah cannot issit.

i found out the designers taking part in the 4th season of project runway, out of curiosity. i thought the 3rd season was the best and most distinct, in terms of personality and taste. i'm not expecting much from season 4 cos most of them are experienced and the youngest, christian, 21, already showed off a small collection during london fashion week. macam no underdog to root for lah.

but that's it. i'm trying real hard to finish up this project i started myself few weeks back. but i somehow end up procrastinating and changing my ideas. i need to focus.

focusing as of.... now.

probably.

message in a bottle

wahlau. 10 o clock already. table 11 still haven't leave yet?!
aiyah. we got workers party, people party whatever party party. now they wanna make women's party, mah. tomorrow morning also won't finish gossiping one.

HAHAHAHA THAT ALWAYS CRACKS ME UP MAN.

okie dokes. its a monday morning. good morning. selamat pagi. i am wiiiide awake at 8 plus in the morning because i wanted to see if short was kidding about the energy boost stout gives you. downed half a can of stout and washed the goddamned bitterness with red bull.

and now, i'm wide awake. short was right. whether my whole alertness was due to the stout is questionable. i did drink red bull afterall. oh well.

so. surprise sur-puh-rise. i cooked breakfast. bombay toast, bebeh. if i'm not wrong, and i know i'm not, its the same as french toast. why was it named bombay toast? only heaven knowsssss~

two weeks of couch potatoing before school starts. yesterday was my last day at sanur. i guess you could say i've gotten over it. emo siah, my last few posts! but i really was saaaaad, ok. still am. no more bitch fests after work. those, i'll miss terribly.

doing "ad hoc" waitressing over there and at the turf club whenever i feel like it or am broke. but i've been stripped off my responsibilities and i guess you could say it's been a huge relief. i don't have to answer for dwindling average and beverage sales, i can choose to heck care about the inconsistency of the bumbu and best of all, i can chuck all the difficult customers to short! i'll miss it, especially the money earned. but this sem is going to kill me, i can feel it. plus, i won't get nightmares of aunty tan, the central kitchen supervisor. you know, my hair stands every time i answer the phone and she goes "AH CAT, AH".

ON A LIGHTER NOTE!

i'm looking forward to school. dreading it a wee bit, but i feel more optimistic about it. and also, the last ep of darker than black is out. so, toodles.

BLUEK.

lay-zee lah

shiok siah.

i didn't make my bed today because i spent the whole day propped up against pillows, watching mushi-shi till the last episode.

i have this sudden urge to cook.

i wonder if the house is insured?

twisted.

i can't believe i'm really leaving.

i'm really leaving? i'm really leaving. i'm really leaving!

i know its a little conceited of me but i secretly like being asked to stay. so now, its not a secret anymore, is it? i thrive on being important. i mean, it's real nice, you know? especially when people go "caaaaaaat, why you goooo??? don't go lah. then how? who want to help me blah blah blah" and i mysteriously answer "but i have to lah."

waaaah aku suka, man!

yet, i can't help but feel miserable.

i've been looking through all the stupid videos and photos we've taken, tearing a little, sighing alot, wishing i didn't, you know. well. you know.

shit.

my last day's 3 days away and i already have knots in my stomach and my throat hurts like how it'll hurt when you're trying not to braaaaawl.

shiiit lah.

i doubt i was ever this emotional when i broke up with somebody. or when i had a tiff with somebody. or when i get silent treatments. or when i gave silent treatments. or when things get overwhelming. i thought i was heartless, man! now i know better.

i keep telling myself, i might as well leave now before i chalk up more happy/sad memories that make me more attached to the place than i already am.

but really, i like the melancholy at the same time.

i'm just glad i'm feeling this way. to tell you the truth, i'm mighty happy i found something that was so important to me, so impactful that i dread leaving so much. my time there was probably even more important than my time at pri or sec school. probably WILL BE more important than my time at poly, too. considering.

i could go on and on but then, you'd think i was an emo wuss, making a mountain out of a molehill. i could just go on and on, typing furiously the many random incidents we've had. how we laughed. how we fought. how i felt i wasnt being taken seriously when i first started running shifts. how i always made fun of our assistant manager's insatiable appetite. how mak mah would baby us when we whined and ranted. how we tricked benny, iven and raju into thinking we were all lesbians. how i found the mak ciks huddled in a corner in the kitchen, watching porn. how we cheered each other up with notes in the lockers, coded messages in the communication book and random surprises in the fridge. how we'd spill our innermost secrets to each other; what we feared, who we loved, why we were bitter, what we really thought we lived for, how we planned to make it big. oh, and how much we ate!

eh leh.

i'm getting too wistful for my liking. its not like they'll disappear right? =D

need to get a bag big enough for me to clear my locker. i even have a piggy bank there, can you believe it?

it would've been the prettiest thing

The Story.

honeybunch pumpkin pie yummy yummy yum, you've been had.

it's that time of the year again, where you get a terrifying jolt of realisation that the end of the year is but 3 months away.

twenty oh eight. why am i even thinking about it? i'm nineteen. i'm supposed to feel invincible and plenty of untapped super powers that could potentially help me take over the world single-handedly. i'll never die and if i did, i'd be resurrected within three days. (GAAAAAAASP! BLASPHEMY!!!!!!!!!! BUH-LAS-FUH-MAY!!!!)

but, you know, despite me being happy (most of the time) and all, i can't help but be paranoid of the impending doom coming my way. our way. it's like the calm before the storm. or the huge breath you take before screaming shrilly.

maybe its just the prospect of the new school term or the many subtle changes happening that's making me a little wary. seems to me like everyone i know is making some form of life-changing decision, leaving me where i am now, which was where i was before.

*****

i need to digress a little because this is a VIP for me to make. A VERY IMPORTANT POINT. see, i'm looking at my fingernails now and, god, they're hideous. they don't look like fingernails even. sheesh. i'm betting five months worth of fingernail-chewing did that. i'll probably die from keratin ingestion or something. would you be sad? for me, i mean. hmmmmmm?

gosh, i don't know why but i feel like i'm on top of the world. i'm so happy, i'm kinda scared. it's not right for things to go, well, right! right? right! right. hardehar.

wahlau i FEEL hyper. its so wrong. i just wanna start running. or singing. or laughing, no, guffawing, at the littlest things.

funny how food can change your mood =)

blame it upon the rush of blood to the head

i've got a new job! i haven't quit THE RESTAURANT though, cos i'm a wuss and that place has a strange hold on me.

i can't let goooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. plus, its the easiest place to make money.

but the new place is cool. i start on friday. that's my off day but i dont give a damn! they give caaaaaash! KA-CHINGGG.

but well. soon. i made a few goals just now. and i plan to scrimp and save and have AT LEAST a thousand buckeroos in my bank account by next year. that probably means that i can't quit sanur any time soon. nyeh heh. excuses excuses.

3 ways to achieve this.

1. work like shit before school starts and not shop or watch movies or spend anyhow on miscellaneous stuff/activities. HAH.

2. stop being late so that abang won't cut my pay. boss' decision because he's a wuss who hasn't gotten any for centuries. the fine's one minute, one dollar and last month i got 33 bucks deducted! what a fucker. good thing abang's a nice person sometimes :) i mean, you really think i chocked up ONLY 33 minutes of lateness last month??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MAN. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

3. bodek tomok, fiona style. this includes smiling alot when he visits the outlet and offering him iced tea. also, layaning him and not ignoring him and telling him that his ugly banner is actually guh-guh-guh-gorgeous. HAHAHA yeah. i'm fucking kidding you. boss doesn't deserve it. which boss does?

oh yeah. and one more thing.

4. leverage on the weekday lunchtime office crowd and get as much tips as i can! because of our new-found motivation factor (KA-CHINGGG!!), shorty, zara and i are trying very hard to pretend the customers aren't a bunch of coprocephalics with platinums and we're succeeding! yayzors. KA-CHING, KA-CHING, KAAAAA-CHINGGGGG!

anyway, to not make you think that i'm money-minded and materialistic and shallow, i'm going to make the last part of the post heartfelt and filled with warmth and love and all that jazz.

i love my daddy because he's old and he makes me feel like i must protect him now. and despite him having most of his teeth taken out and having a hard time eating, i still think he's macho.

its no cause for concern

sigh. phil's stupid friend is in his room and they're having a bloody loud conversation about school. whaaaaaaat daaaaa fuuuuuck lah. get a life and go home or something. its 2 plus in the fucking aye am, godammit.

omg is phil gay?!?! that would be damn funny.

but ok lah. his friend is quite cute. very deeeeeep voice. nyeh heeeh. a very DEEP THROATed voice. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA OMG LAAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

but not bad. phil has taste.

if he's gay, that is. IF.

course, i'd still love him. gay or not. he's my baby brother.

AND WATCH RABBIT-PROOF FENCE. it is the most heart wrenching tale ever, if you're in that kinda mood lah.

will i wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

I can't sleep again, man. wahlau. So i've decided to keep myself entertained with the three vcds we rented for the sleepover last friday. Yeap. Rewatching em cos its either those or Matrix Revolution. Or animatrix. All from phil's stash of, well, stash, ok. Not mine loh.

Sigh. The Illusionist is making me bored. Have you ever felt bored but wide awake before? Both don't go hand in hand but for my case, it does BECAUSE I'M DAMN SUAY.

know how bored i am?

THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS FUH-REAAAAAKING BORED. If i continue to be this bored, i swear, i'll turn to something drastic.

Like uh. Shaving my - ok, no- like like like cooking! And popping by Chris' place in the wee wee hours of the morning to force-feed her my specially made double-boiled salt water.

Don't think i wouldn't.

NOW MAKE ME SLEEP, GODDAMMIT!

la vie boheme!!

uh yeah ok nightoes.

have fun for the rest of your life.

zh tagged me and apparently, i am REQUIRED to state 8 random facts about me. 8 facts, huh. FACTS. gee.

1. i am a girl. or, at least, i meet every physical characteristic of a female human. i think.

2. i chew my fingernails. i'm trying to recall if i have ever swallowed any.

3. i hate sci-fi but am an avid orson scott card fan.

4. my hair is made up of an unknown element. when added with water and glycerin, it produces a white ppt and an unknown gas, as observed through the massive bubble production. gas is said to be combustible and highly reactive to warm, damp conditions. element is said to be a cousin of kryptonite. superman, beware. marketing dept have yet to come up with a super cool name.

5. i have the attention span of a two year old kid.

6. i am extremely fickle. not something im proud of. i think. but then again, being fickle is a good thing, too, sometimes. i don't know. i like being fickle. no wait. i don't. grr. or maybe i do. yeah. ok, no no. i take that back.

7. people dont laugh at my jokes, they laugh at me laughing at my jokes. snort har har har haaaargh cough cough cough.

8. i am, by definition, not lame. i can walk perfectly well, except for that weird gait i'm most reputed to have. fuck you, iven. i walk like that cos my toes are in the way godammit!

nap time. later, alligator.

pronouncing initials as a word

OTOT- ought-ought

DKNY- dick-knee

FCUK- fuh-cook

GST- juiced

BRB- burp

sigh. back to my report.

lacquered

if, for one day, we could take everything at face value without second guessing motives, underlying meanings and what have yous, the world would be a better place.

if, one day.

i have this hope that the multiple coats of lacquer on everyone would start to dull and peel off with time and we can finally truly say 'what you see is what you get'.

i celebrated my birthday for real today, one day after The Day. not that the 12th wasn't special or anything. it was, except for the working part. got a morning greeting from ZH, calling me 'majesty' and all that jazz. prolly the only person who can tahan AND layan my outrageously cmi jokes. steph got me a little cake with a candle in it and a message scrawled on the box saying 'happy 19th bday, babater. omedetto'. and, of course, the tradition of having to 'pull numbers' for 4d. i have such sweet, weird, important friends/sibs. the 11th was extraordinary as well, with a fabulous dinner and an even more fabulous company. of course, we ended up shopping as well, as usual.

i can't remember the last time i blew candles on a cake with the family. we're all so caught up in whatever it is we seemed to be caught up with the past few years. i can't even have a proper conversation with my baby brother without having this vile mixture of resentment and loathing being caught in my throat. and i love him so much that i can even hate him and get away with it. i truly am a monster, man.

but, well. i'll give him a hug later so that i can at least redeem myself a little. such a calculative move, cat you terrible glob of protoplasm. although, he seems to have forgotten the stupid things i said but i am very fucking guilty now :(

so, today, i had a heart-shaped strawberry mousse cake. i used to... strongly dislike strawberries AND mousse. my, how things have changed. and there were candles on it and i made a real wish. i'm trying hard not to sound like a wide-eyed girly girl but i made a real wish! it has to be the heart-shaped cake lah. it does something to you, makes you a little soft in the head.

and since i'm still soft in the head, i'm off to photoshop some photos i got. whether i'll post them is another thing.

but i'm happy.

19, cat. make it matter.

as wretched, cynical and mad as she may be

she loved.

being happy, that is.

i was 18.

thanks for all the smses, phone calls and stuff. course, i'm genuinely surprised at who remembered and who forgot. ok, lah not really.

so, now.

i've decided alot of things.

now, to put them in action.

LAY-TUH.

it's a draw, then.

eh, but stop trying to best me, asshole. not everything is a competition.

because they did the math

last day today.

i have never felt so sad and so relieved at the same time.

i spent almost half a year over there. feels like my life got ripped apart, as dramatic as it sounds.

spotted a sign above M's desk. it read: FREE! Account servicing spine removal.

threw away the spoof brief K, C & M did. Got a pooh-neh from boss. got free lunches and dinners the whole week. and GAD-whom-i-aspire-to-be-like-one-day came for my farewell cum birthday dinner even though he left the company like a month ago. i feel so touched/honoured/sad.

i hate that i'm going to spend days pining over the people i will miss. i hate that come next monday, i don't have to drag my ass to work before 9 for WIP meeting. or churn briefs.

from the good days to the suay days, the good and bad, i loved every bit of it as much as i hated it. i may have complained alot but, hey. i'll bet no one got a stuffed cat pillow from her account director. i'm going to name it pooh-neh, that ridiculous nick S gave me. Apparently it means 'cat' in tamil. aha. fahni.

aku sedih. but my bday's less than 2 days away! smth to look forward to, i guess. going for a movie marathon with ry after work :)

jyaas was right. birthdays aren't special. it's just another year you haven't died. what's the big deal? sigh. sucks to be exhausted & sad at the same time.

makes you snap at your brother for being a lazy-fucking-bum.

and avon is a malaysian brand as stated at the bottom of post 'rant and rave, i will'. alternatively, you may want to ask your nearest mak cik. should there be any queries please do not hesitate to contact me at catherinity@gmail.com

have a nice weekend ahead.

warmest regards,
Catherine Francis (Ms)
Very Sad Intern

rant and rave, i will.

waaaaaaaahlau eh.

the mak cik mak cik Avons* are giving Ishwor the cold shoulder. or maybe its the other way round.

BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAARGH.

HILARIOUS. god knows what happened during the weekdays. but well. this would be the most tense weekend i've ever experienced. don't mess with mak ciks, i tell you. they're worst than pms-ish teens.

If you were to ask me to give you one word to describe my, uh, emotions/state of mind right now, i'd say i'm disturbed. 15 minutes ago, shorty was crying. she was on the phone, so i guess nora was verbally whacking her.

i probably am guilty of the same mistake they're making- not solving the matter-at-hand instantly. but it's in our nature, isn't it? to choose if we want to fight or flee at the face of danger/uncomfortable situations. shorty's nonchalant take on the whole thing was probably her way of defense. after all, nora's not exactly your demure, subservient protagonist-in-love.

boss asked me if i wanted to take a long break after my attachment. haven't really thought about it. but i did mention that it'll be swell if he could sponsor a trip to some tropical island where a supply plane comes in every 2 weeks to see if you're alive and other than that, you're basically the only inhabitant. i mean, i'm TIRED of people. The weekdays see me liaising with the nit-picky madams. oh! should it be a colon or a semi-colon?... oh! the woman's face looks too DI-ed... oh! oh! oh! oh! fuck lah oh, oh, oh.

You take that and you multiply the irritant-level by about a thousand and you get the impossible-to-please customers i get every weekend.

And i swear, i'm damn suay! Every shift i've run for the past month has had a complaint about the food. and not any noooormal complain, but serious ones! ALL THE FUCKING SUPPLIER'S FAULT. One customer found a fish hook in the fish head. Tell me which girl won't get a heart attack? Abang advised me to bathe in flowers, cos maybe its just some bad fengshui. WHAAAAAAAT THE FUCK. but i gotta admit, my room's in the same state it was last december. go figure.

LATER.

*for the uninitiated, Avon is this M'sian brand coveted by the mak ciks in the kitchen. if you're giggling, my guess is, you must know what a VAAAAST variety of products Avon sells.

kept bugging ol' zh to read orson scott card (just like i swore i would). AND HE LOVES IT! hardeharharhar. and i'm blogging it because i'm waiting for chris to pick me up before heading to christel's place.

wgs debaters gathering. can't wait. oh, but sorry, christel, for being late. apologise in advance =D

i got bored, then, i got out of it.

wheeeeeeeehooooooo!

it was fun and all. but, well. can't take the heart attacks lah.

and and and and 8 more working days to go before i'm fuh-reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. i am so fucking happy, can?

mad rampage

its been a generally 'ok' day. except that, i fell asleep on the couch, still in my tahu telur-smelling outfit, only to wake up and find the house in an ugly state. heaven knows why i haven't noticed it before, but the walls were adorned with cobwebs, the floor laced with dust. and the pile of washed laundry was just sitting there for millenniums, i reckon they had to be washed again after i'm through sorting them out.

daaaaammit.

and so, i started yelling. what the fuck have the kids been doing the whole weekend? phil's just typing on his bloody laptop, steph just got home. jesus. so, i'm the maid now. as if interning(sorry, slaving) and waitressing was a holiday or something.

sigh.

of course, no one gave a damn. and so i'm in the middle of folding the clothes now, fuming. i just vacuumed the whole house. and, what? it's 10pm. which retard vacuums the house so fucking late?

on a lighter note, i spent the night munching on donuts and keropok with the girls (and the butch). fiona sorta got herself terminated, much to my dismay. abang tried to explain his grandmother story to me regarding the whole matter, seeing how he knew i was her friend. it turned into a 'my job sucks' rant-session and ended with him defensively saying 'cat, i'm not complaining, but, you know. i darah up, dik!'. i really don't care. i saw it coming, anyways.

we've hired more newbies. 2 guys and 2 girls. i find it extremely insane cos we never had guys in the restaurant before, except abang and, probably, bapak, my dear boss. so, you can imagine the ripple of excitement across the kitchen and dining staff. sheesh.

ben's been an angel, and he's one of the reasons i look forward to the weekends. hardehar. i don't care if i'm grandmothering in this post. but i found it amusing when he barged in from the back door with a crazy glint in his eye, pulled my earphones out and stuck his earphones into my ear, exclaiming "you must listen. better than your songs!" course, it could have been a plot to prevent me from noticing he was 15 minutes late. and even if that's the case, its applaudable.

nora and shorty saw the WWE summer slam something-or-another yesterday. shorty's been wrestling crazy even before she was a girl-masquerading-as-a-dude. i think its lay-muh. but, well, it takes all types to make the world =) and i love him/her to bits (and pieces).

sigh. i'm going to stop typing for a bit, click on the orange blinkey bars and be anti-anti-social for awhile.

fuck the clothes, too =)

i don't have pictures, but.

i received an e-mail yesterday and don't know why but i decided to read the entire clause at the bottom that comes with every e-mail correspondence. bo liao at it's finest, man.

so, anyway, i did that, and tried to made sense of the whole mumbo jumbo when i stumbled upon a very clever quote from an even cleverer man.

'insanity,' it read, 'is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results.'

from einstein, frizzy-haired eccentric who comes up with theories no one can truly grasp.

why people put little phrases at the end of e-mails is beyond me. am i supposed to think highly of you for having a witty phrase at the end of your e-mail? am i supposed to think you're well-read? like, step-kiang only lah.

anyways, i asked ry out on a whim today because i thought i'd forget her face if i didn't. hah. thing is, i saw kids everybloodywhere. and almost every kid i saw was crying. no, WAILING. as in, BWAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHWAHWAAAARGH-wailing. tsk. evolution sucks. babies now have PA systems as vocal cords.

and i keep seeing pregnant women everywhere! either that or ladies are getting rounder tummies and fatter ankles.

i personally find it disturbing that our birth rate increased after the implementation of the baby bonus package. don't you?

the world's gone wrong. there's a hole in the sky and butches are falling in love with gays.

sheeshabillysballs.

i saw my skin under harsh light and its hideous. i havent eaten a fruit since dinosaurs died. and the last piece of veg i ate came from a burger. i'm going to turn into a carnivorous thing with bad hair and bad skin.

gonna do something about it.

soon lah.

i can't sleep

because i just downed three teh tariks and i'm pretty much high on fishing trip stories, pun-y jokes and conversations that end with hearty guffaws.

is it too early to say tgif?

TEE GEE AI FREAKIN EFF, BABY!

for 3 years i had roses and apologised to no one.

i finally understand.

now, fucking hear me roar.

not-so-little L

less than a month before iap finishes.

oh no/yes!!

it's a weird thing, having mixed feelings. i mean, how exactly does anyone describe feeling a whole, what, conglomerate of emotions and state of minds? to feel vexed but satisfied, exhausted but ecstatic, sad but relieved?

it's exciting not having everything in black and white. it really is. if i could only sit still for more than 5 minutes, i might be able to relish being in the confused little state i'm in. or, was in. or, will be in.

hung out with ry on whim today. slept for about an hour in the kitchen before i did. sleep is an amazing thing, if you hadn't already known. it peps you up, makes your dark eye circles look grey, instead of black.

works wonders, sleep does.

i found something i photoshopped a while back. Proof that i was once the lamest, most wuhfuhjuh little thing to have ever lived.



asterisk, squiggly thing, axe oh axe oh CAT axe oh axe oh, squiggly thing, asterisk.

finger lickin' good.

i had the fright of my life just now. i swear, i will never ever ever lepak under the block/outside bk cwp (yeah i knooooooow) ever again.

at least, for now, it seems like the only sane thing to ever swear.

see, we were just minding out own business, complaining about the top ten fuckless customers/staff of the day when, all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, this weirdo started towards us AND BEGAN LICKING HIS FINGERS VIGOROUSLY.

really. as in, veeeeeee-guh-ruhs-leeee. wth man. when he circled us, i almost shat in my pants.

its not every day you get some finger licker stare intently at you while muttering "i study, what" under his breath.

jesus. it's so absurd, so random, i still can't believe it happened.

but, no matter.

i haven't started on my log report and i have a looooong day ahead of me. i'm praying tomorrow wouldn't be as long and fruitless as today's.

abang promoted shorty nora and myself. shorty's a supervisor, nora and i are assistant supervisors.

and yet, the day after that, i took an hour to close my cashier, had a fish head wastage, counter-signed 70 bucks worth of voids and refunds and raised my voice against a friend-staff.

my days are getting worse and i don't wanna blame myself anymore. fuck emoness. i AM pathetic because i feel pathetic.

aiyah. what to dooooooo.

and yet, they never fail to cheer me up. or, at least, convince me that i'm cheer-ed up enough to hack care.

transformers, robots in disguise.

dil la leya bayparwah de naal

the weather's crazy. and, just as well, we've got live earth coming soon! seen their tvc recently? the one with en lai something or another silently screaming in frustration/horror. yeap. they weren't kidding when they said that "no one's exaggerating".

c'mon, who wouldnt believe icebergs are melting when we've got a killer august heatwave?

im melting to death lah fuck.

darah up, dik.

you know what's weird? superstitions.

i know someone who has 5 eights in her phone number. thats XX88888X. and the ladies at work visit this highly-recommended fortune teller every 6 months. quite recently, the office underwent a mini-renovation for, i suspect, fengshui reasons.

as if that's not weird enough, i have malaysian kitchen staff who, when they feel spooked, start apologising profusely to whatever entity is lurking in the corner of our restaurant. and tomok, my dear boss makes it so that our restaurants doesn't have a table number 13. so after table 12, there's table 14. which is utter nonsense because table 14 would still be the thirteenth table, right? the Irony Gods strongly dislike any attempts at cheating the rules, especally if its done in the most wuhfuhjuh way.

which is why, i don't know if i'm being silly if i say that most of my ridiculous customers come from table 14, or, technically, the thirteenth table.

but, no matter =)

in the whites of his eyes, there's a supersonic vibe

sometimes i just wanna go on and on and on and talk non-stop and reveal all, from my insecurities to my hopes, feeble as they are, to my deepest not-so-darkest secrets.

and have someone analyse it and tell me what i already know.

the reason i very much want a shrink is because i think it'll be exciting to have someone listen to you and analyse you and compare you to scientific case studies just so they can attempt to identify whatever mental ailment you may have.

i, on the other hand, am one-of-a-kind.

i suffer from the virus, CAF88. it inflicts only people with the same palm imprint as mine, who suffers from severe myopia and who has a high ADORATION of any written works from Orson Scott Card.

symptoms? insanity. mood swings. stinky feet. short bursts of endorphins when inhaling greasy fumes of tahu telur. tendency to pick fights for the sake of raising her voice.

and i don't care if this next sentence is going to sound immature or whiny or angsty or whatfuckhaveyou.

I HATE THE COPYWRITER AT WORK. and not even a strong dislike, mind you. i loathe, no, no ABHOR the waste of protoplasm, as talented as she is. and i can only give half a fuck if i'm caught proclaiming my strong loathing for a fellow colleague.

shoot me, sue me, ban me, whatever. better yet, defame me!

i feel like having thai food all of a sudden siah.

deus ex machina part deux

i made someone's day apparently.

and it made mine, knowing that i did.

so He finally sent me a machine-hero. only, he's not god so i can't rightfully say he's deus ex machina.

but, there's my plot twist.

kinda made up with phil after a week's worth of silent treatment. he's such a dear. i switched my laptop on and poof! there was a message on my desktop, telling me he fixed my laptop AND burnt some back up copies of my work in a cd.

cat loves philip to bits and pieces. and, sure, we didn't apologise or anything but i guess we never need to.

credo quia absurdum est

hontou ni kana sai

terrifying weekend it was, sanur drama and the likes.

only, its not exactly drama but a comedy of sorts, short of any hunkables, except shorty, of course.

i came across a rather difficult customer yesterday, who, for some reason, has a grudge against a certain curly-haired psycho with a red badge. she was a horrendous bitch, but i suppose its the fatigue that comes with the CHALLENGING business of making babies AND making her husband's life ridiculously mundane and noisy simultaneously.

if all women ended up as psychotic acid-tongued lactating machines, i'd commit seppuku before i ever got married. or have babies. whichever comes first.

i read the last installation of Card's ender's game and ender's shadow. they were meant to be companion series and both drifted off to different timelines and theme. one was about possible politics after an (yeah i know i know) alien invasion and the other was about some obscure life-related mystery with awesome words like auia and philotes and whatnot. i feel quite sad now that i've reached the end.

if only someone else read the whole lot, then we can rant and rave and gush and mush about the brilliance of Card. sucks to be me. =(

oooor i could coerce someone into reading Card's books AND liking them. heh heh heh. my first target would be... ZH cos, i don't know. you look like a potential Card fan. or i could agonise gabs and make her read the whole book out loud to me over the phone. bunsen burner included. hardeharhar.

or i could just be a normal, curly-haired waitress cum intern-account-coordinator and not read silly, cheem books that make me feel smart(er).

the gang and i came up with ridiculous punchlines to be said at the end of every sentence, preferably, a bitching sentence. such is the influence of oxygen and tahu telur fumes. who needs alcohol when you can get high on the smell of grease?

you've probably guessed it. its childish, but it is the spawn of built-up resentment against Ze Evil Customaires. hontou ni kana sai.

i'm happy. not contented, no. but happy. oops, i felt a surge of endorphins coursing through my veins. oh, there it is again.

i..i...ramble...

hey, you. my deus ex machina. save me from the blasphemy that is my pride. whittle it, give it form.

be my midnight Saviour.

be my plot twist.

my deus ex machina.

oh mein gott

tuesday: post monday blues.

because my monday was a happy one, so i'm quite wary of my tuesday.

course, i'm only joking. in the middle of a lingerie brand competitive analysis now. oh what fun. i get to see lingerie ads from '03 to '07 ok! there are some perks.

someone told me i don't look like a catherine. i look like a cat.

interesting. good night. love you.

You Are An INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards. You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings. At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

What's Your Personality Type?

so, i fell in love, sort of.

aaaaaand its a saturday morning, time check, its 9.25 and by golly gee whiz, i'm wide awake with no trace of caffeine in my blood! oh, miracles, do happen.

that's not gonna last long, of course, cos i got some media kit from ria and they have ginger coffee. I'M JUST DYING TO HAVE A TASTE OF THAT LETHAL CONCOCTION. i predict hours of shaky fingers and stuttering speech. but well, we live only once.

work took a better turn, though. finally, i get to brainstorm in new business projects together with the dudes and dudettes at IMC. the whole time i was just helping to maintain current accounts and, boy, does it drain the shit outta you.

2 more months, cat. make the best of it.

i woke up this morning as happy as a lark.

just because. and because i have a king and i love my king but he hates that i want to shout my existance.

who knew? i am humbled. but... exuberant. and strongly disliked but deeply loved. i'm going to peel the layers of complication and just.. go forth i guess. whoooooooo fuck it.

chris i read ur blog. thanks. =)

hi, is this disturbing?

i wish i died

not that i'm suicidal or anything, oh no no. far from that. the girl's planning on not dying for a long time.

but, right now, i wish i could sleep forever and then wake up to defecate or something.

i'm tired. drained. wronged. maimed. discarded. whatever. anything. yeah!

fuck all the bigwigs. i've got big hair and it isn't fake. comprende amigo?

which compels me to make a public announcement in my not-so-public blog.

I SWEAR, ON ANYTHING THAT I CAN POSSIBLY SWEAR UPON, THAT I WILL NEVER EVER EVER ACT LIKE THE CLOGGED LITTLE RECTUMS I'VE MET.

fuck it. i'll smile. i'll nod. i'll be careful. i'll appear to be the subservient little juguhjang i am but i will never forgive for as long as i don't forget. i reckon i'll forget soon enough.

i'm not pissed or anything, since i don't seem to have the right to be. i'm some THING that's apart from the system that even my payday is two weeks later than everyone else's.

i. am. fed up. totally.

i probably am going to come out of this as some paranoid loser who's more jaded than before (gasp) and more bitter than the average 19 year old.

oh, seek thee, truth. ponder upon the blasphemy that is our life.

chris, i'm still alive. didn't think you'd, you know, still read the blog. i'll e-mail you or smth. or i don't know. i don't know what to do.

hahahahaha. but this whole entire thing is MY FAULT. i'll think of smth.

leaving so soon

i'm not even supposed to be blogging. K and i decided to bring our work home because our ass was getting uncomfortable. really. i could fry an egg in my chair. its like butt global warming. or butt globe(s) warming, seeing how our butts are two globes. hardehar.

so basically, i'm supposed to be working. but i'm not. and i'm going to pay for it by coming into the office at like 7.00am.

and get this. The Mum, who loves me so much and doesn't want me to die choking on dustballs, decides to vacuum everything in my room. And i mean everything. even the laptop. so now my up arrow button has been rendered useless because all the little parts got loose and magically fell off! i now have a sad, incomplete laptop that's dust-free. awesome.

i predict a more.... insightful entry for the next post.

cos i have a lot of things to say. but i feel impending doom tomorrow so i'm gonna do whatever i can for today.

SIGH.

by the way, K and i had pringles and coke for dinner. talk about decadence, man. whooooooooo. ok. work.

perdone.

So i got dragged into being a sponsor for Dill's religious conversion.

It really is ironic, seeing how as a sponsor, I'm supposed to "lead my brethren to God's invitation blah blah blah something or another". Me. "GUIDE" a convertee and teach him the Word of God.

I might as well start giving malay lessons.

I'm just not the right person. I don't know. Shit, if I knew better, I probably did it for love.

HAAARDEHAR!

no, really now. Minus the fact that it was hard to leave my very-much-in-love friend in the lurch, I thought that it was sweet of Dill to want to give up (what seemed like) everything for a Berd. better be nice and lend a hand, no?

Course, i'm rather suspicious of his much publicised affections for her. I thought he was just another cro magnon who portrays a very disturbing amount of manja-ness. I still think that. I guess the jaded side of me wants to witness first-hand the process of him giving up half-way so i can tell bern "i told you so" for the millionth time.

I truly am a bitch.

Or maybe, in a warped way, it was some act of divine manipulation to make me go back to church?

Now THAT would be a laugh.

I just hope i don't resent all this. Because i know i would.

so, would it be weird if i ended with an xoxoxoxo?

i guess it would.

axe-oh-axe-oh-axe-oh.

i love m&m peanuts

TGIF.

TODAY, MONDAY IS A MILLION YEARS AWAY.

i'm reading an amazing book where people from the future went back in time to make tiny revisions to the face of history to save the entire human race. as in really tiny, its not even worth being recorded in the annals of history.

i really admire his work. i do, truly madly deeply. and i don't care if i'm a geek-fan waxing lyrical about some sci-fi novel. i mean, i don't even like star wars.

but Card is an amazement, can? he not only weaves in obscure theories, he throws in a whole drama of moral anguish, bad choices AND HE DOESNT MAKE HIS HEROES AND HEROINES OUT TO BE EL PERFECTO. really, his book is anything but dull. i wish i could curl up in my bed and just read and read and read EVERYDAY.

and, honestly, the mixes of jargon and explanations are just right. it kinda makes me feel smarter reading the book. or more deluded, i don't know, seeing how knowledge of the principle of causality will be of no use to me unless i become a mad scientist trying to warp time.

its nice to live in a world of your own, UNDISTURBED, sometimes. course, its also nice to go bitch-festin' with seasoned rant-khakis who never fail to whip me up into shape or remind me to be a little more compassionate. all hail tough love, listening ears, mcD breakfasts, coffee and ice cream.

its what makes the world go round, i'm telling you.

and what makes me think that Earth is definitely better than Gliese 581.

boring

i fell sick. i mean, i am sick.

as in, mucus oozing from every pore, sick.

and tomorrow's a friday. tell me, is that good, bad or ugly?

The Mum is babying me right now and i am shamelessly enjoying it. She's asking me if i reeeaaally have to drag myself to work tomorrow. i am nodding my head in a deliberately pitiful manner just so i can milk more love outta her.

tell me, is that good, bad or ugly?

i'm going to mount everest one day and at that time, i will have my very own personal sherpa.

tell me, is that good, bad or ugly?
i also find people pretty repulsive. really i swear i'm becoming anti-social.
cos loooove is big, is bigger than us.
looooove is nooot what you're thinking offfff.
no. its not. its insane.
I LOVE U2

it's a beautiful day

fuck, its such a beautiful day, i think i fell in love somewhere during the day. or maybe i bumped my head somewhere. or both.

really, i'm so happy, i think its retarded. i'm even blasting U2's Beautiful Day from my laptop's pantat.

IT MUST BE THE FREAK WEATHER!!!

or not. maybe i'm just genuinely happy. long live randomly-squirted endorphins. whooooooopeedoogoldberg.

so, minus the fact that i'm freaked out by my sudden burst of positivity, things have been looking up. course, i'm not counting my chickadickens before they hatch.

i thank god for not granting me my desperate wish to be abducted and taken to Gliese 581. cos i wouldn't be able to bitchfest with gabs or catch disturbing movies with ry. or eat customised ramly burgers and be loudly emo with the pseudo-lesbianitas at work. or sit down and layan benny. sheesh. taciturn my ass. first time i do the layaning, man. not that i'm complaining haaaaaah ROOOOAAAAR-BAZOOKA. this is where i insert plenty of smileys and deny i have a secret crush on one of my staff. GASP!

i havent seen my boss for more than two months. oh, tomok, tomok has forgotten teh cat. oh well as long as the cheques don't stop coming, i have no qualms being pretty much ignored. the whole episode of picking on fiona and nana has, thankfully, shifted his focus away from me. but i don't envy the crap they have to go through. tomok's tongue is as acidic as acid gets. no wonder his face is like that.

OMG DID I JUST SLAM SOMEONE ON MY BLOG?!? I THINK I DID!!! OMG BITCH!

RUEGO NOS PERDONE DIOS

have you noticed the crazy weather lately? now we know, mother nature has pms, too. or maybe its menopause. stupid weather. i tell you, its definitely hormones. i hate to think what mankind had to go through when she was still a teenager with raging hormones.

congratulations, you're the 999,999th visitor

why blogger so weird one?!

huh huh huh? like, all my icons are stacked VERTICALLY. so weird! i feel like i'm having an intra-msn conversation over here. seriously.

anyways, i swear, i hate being a girl. you just get these odd mood swings. and its not even pms. i don't even know if being a girl has any hand to this. sheeshabillyballs.

ok, so anyway, i'm determined not to make this a post-depression blog post but i really feel much better.

and i'm more thick-skinned than before. bring on the withering stares that could shrivel up balls. I HAVE AN ARMOUR OF HARDENED EPIDERMAL CELLS OK! AND UNDER THAT, THERE'S ANOTHER LAYER OF KERATIN.

I IS CYBORG, NOCTURNAL EXPLORER EXTRAORDINAIRE.

ph34r t3h c4t r4wr!!!11

btw, did you know? mentos has berry flavour now.

tastes like berries. but not really lah.

in peace & pieces

like what S said, all fridays are Good Fridays. but, all hail retail therapy and my all-time favourite rant-to friend, RY. my Friday couldn't have been better. RY, the only cha boh whom i can have dinner with at 8am in the morning. if it isn't love, it's enough. har.

so, anyway, its the weekends, thank god. there's been some interesting turn of events lately so i figure i have to re-think a few stuff. this could be the lowest point of my life, but, you know, the Irony Gods are pretty creative with their, well, irony.

this is pretty cool.

Get Your Cyborg Name

WHOOOOOO NOCTURNAL EXPLORATION SIAAAH.

so, ignoring the fact that this is a pretty distracted, whoa-whoa-what-the-fuck-you-talking-about post, AND ignoring the fact that i really have nth much to say, i'm pretty sane.

Saner than usual, even.

because, with every cliche comes something interesting. with every dark cloud, there's a silver-bloody-lining that's so faint, you could really call it a blessing in disguise. i don't miss what i used to have. rather, i miss what i didn't have and who i wasn't.

anyways, dad's bday is this week. and so is mother's day. in the spirit of equality, i've decided not to give both anything. only because they've given me everything they could and having one lousy day to SHOW (or attempt to show) appreciation is stupid. its like giving sand to a miner in exchange for his diamonds. SNORT. some lousy grains for the world's hardest thing. HAHHHAHAHAHAHA.

ANYWAYS.

even though sometimes i'd like to bash their heads on the wall, i love them to bits and pieces. sometimes, they'd probably love to drown me in the toilet bowl but i know they love me to bits and pieces, too. that's enough, i guess.

I guess this takes the cake

Get Your Sexy Name

so i was thinking. now, i'd like to just hide somewhere before i emerge again. because i'm drained. and right now, i think the whole world is ugly & small. its overwhelming. it makes you want to be emo and anti-social sometimes.

but thank God i'm not alone.

there is a God, really. he sends his love. in bits and pieces, too.

OK. I DID ONE FOR GABS TOO.

Get Your Sexy Name

hahahahahaha LOOK WHO'S GROVELING WHO SIAH.

and maggot.

Get Your Sexy Name

and ry

Get Your Sexy Name

and p.sabif

Get Your Sexy Name

good to know p. sabif means a whole load of different things, ehy. didnt know what avatar to give him. it was either the rose or a pair of condoms. but well.

ok lah bye.

i am so sad, it's disgusting.

it's not even funny anymore. it's not as if i can laugh and pick myself up just like that.

IT FUCKING SUCKS TO FEEL LIKE CRAP.

fuck emoness, dammit. i just want to disappear. i wish some alien ship would suck me up and transport me to Gliese 581 cos then i'll be 20 light years away from earth and alone where i can muck around.

fuck it isn't funny. for all i know, i could die in like 15 minutes of some freak accident. maybe my chicken rice was laced with cyanide. i don't know. now i wish it really was.

cos it never rains. it pours. and i'm just waiting for the one big blow that will knock me off balance and leave brawling on the floor like a baby.

of friendship & sex

There is a goddess for that, did you know?! her name is Philotes. The Greeks are special, special people.

And i finally caught 300 today, after months of being blur in the middle of post-300 gushings. Phil's friend is a true sweetie, minus the fact that he keeps explaining stuff to Steph. If people don't get it, don't need to explaaaain lah.

I mean, if a person doesn't get a joke, no point explaining, right. The moment's just lost.

Bern's sisters just gave birth. So, now, there's seven kids in total. Every time i drop by her jumbo flat in the weekends, it's like a mini nursery. But they're intelligent kids. A few quiet ones, a few of them born with a PA system installed in their vocal cords.

Like I said, it takes all kinds to make up the world.

adam is a jfdsshd awesome kinda hfddsaf.

buay song ah? buay song, ah. buay song ah!

it probably won't mean anything

so, googles and googles of blog posts rant about what they did, how they d0 something and try to explain, to the point of confusion, why they do it.

i'm just going to list a list of things i didn't do today.

1. i didn't diet. (yeah, well, yeaaah)
2. i didn't read the papers.
3. i didn't return the library books.
4. i didn't cry.
5. i didn't trim my toenails.
6. i didn't meet the girls.
7. i didn't rat on my colleague
8. i didn't tell abang about that pseudo-iq joke i was dying to tell.
9. i didn't raise my voice today.
10. i didn't watch any animes. (at least, not yet)

anyways, just like i've predicted, i've grown tired of blogging. i used to love spending hours, thinking of little random things to say. but now its so bleah. perhaps its because i don't have anyone i'd want to impress. perhaps, i've grown up, which is most unlikely but, it is a rather good thought to have.

i realise that this blog is as redundant as it gets. its meaningless, it serves no purpose, it reveals nothing of this Sacred Person. if anything, it gives me a whole load of negativity.

it's really tiresome, lah.

on a side note, i just figured something out. and i wanted you to know.

that, hon, if anything, blaming yourself is the ultimate form of egoistical hoolabaloo. like everything depended on only you. as if every bit and factor is under your control that, if anything goes wrong, you blame only yourself and not a string of non-accidental-could-be-avoided events. or, of course, neanderthals who should've known better.

i find it quite amusing that you assume the role of sole blamee and indulge in self-pity, graciously rejecting any form of consolation, as if the whole world is on your shoulders. i don't find it magnanimous. quite the contrary, i think its another, rather mundane, call for attention. so mundane and discreet that no one sees pass the whole charade of magnitude but take it at face-value.

i say its an egoistical show because acting like everything is your fault is also a sign of dominance. everyone's going to be acutely sensitive to what might remind you of your folly. admit it, you like it that, for once, people think about you, walking on thin ice, trying not to affect your fragile, fragile heart.

i say, pick your damn self up and move the hell on.

and smile. cos you'll make someone else's day while you're picking up the pieces.

i guess that's it, then. i is bidding you goodnight & farewell. please don't wet your bed. again.

i will beg my way into your garden, break my way out when it rains

It's way past my bedtime. Laugh all you want, you nocturnal Neanderthals but I'm sleepy, only, i really really really like John Mayer's 'Vultures' so i'm just going to put it on repeat until i jelak.

Anyways, most of us have survived iap so far. I've learnt plenty, thanks to my small fry position as Ze Crazy Intern. Because I'm practically invisible to the other depts, I get to snoop around and listen in on the latest happenings, or conveniently glance at other people's contact reports, then steal away into the darkness that is the shadow of the towering newspapers.

Jokes aside, I've noticed my heavy reliance on coffee. It's scary but I can't function well enough without a cuppa. I tried abstaining once and i ended up having a migraine. Of course, that could be due to the piles of newspaper near my area. The psi level around my 3by3 is definitely unhealthy. There's probably enough dust there to clog my brains.

But, the point is, I couldn't take it not having a cup of coffee.

And I'm telling you, caffeine is most definitely just like nicotine. Which, by the way, is the main reason why I choose not to suck the gaseous by-product of burnt tobacco through a paper filter.

I mean, we smoke, or rather, you smoke, or, ok, Smokers smoke because nicotine makes them feel whatever it is that nicotine makes them feel. We'll just call it the 'Shiok feeling' to make things less complicated. Of course, the Shiok feeling could mean alot of things. The relief of defecating, the climax of fornication, the satiation of hunger. [Sheeshabilly'sballs there's such a word as satiation!]

But caffeine is scarier. You don't down a cup of coffee for some shiok feeling. You need the damn thing. It's like a ritual of some sort. According to a study done by so&soh, there's a huge margin between the behaviour before and after caffeine influence in homo sapiens. They display varied levels of annoyance to the point of temporary menopause/andropause before caffeine intake. Such is the power of coffee.

So, I was thinking. If I'm already addicted to caffeine, why not nicotine?

Because the graphic pictures on the packs, thats why. You dont take em seriously but hey. you're talking about the girl who can't sleep alone in the dark.

I'd probably think twice about coffee if they put little graphics of our braincells dying or something. By the way, does caffeine do that? I don't know. I just know it's bad for our body. Cos, well, its something i like isn't it? Whatever you like isn't good for you.

time ti hit the sack-reel-age. nightoes.