rifts

if you came for a fix of another person's sorry state of mind, you've come to the right place. welcome and please, don't regret this silly decision because i am going to waste your time.

and for once, shut the fuck up about my whole stand on angst. i won't laugh it off anymore. i'm being totally seriously now even if it doesn't seem like it.

and i'll know if you've read this because your eyes will tell how you're inwardly laughing your ass out, inwardly mocking me for my folly, for my sudden desire for truth and for my stubborn little self.

i am falling. thats it. i want to run away from everything even if finally things are somewhat on an okay side. my weekends are no longer spent at The Greased Hell, i'm coping with the many changes in school and i'm much more focused and motivated finally.

but i will never be happy. because all it took was for me to say one word before i got a glimpse of everyone's insides. my father's boredom, my mother's frustration, my pessimism, phil's indifference and steph's innocence. i tell you now, we are all going mad. i know i am. pick apart the jokes and the light-hearted banter, thats what you get. near insanity.

it bothers me and i am tired. the only one who can put things in context is probably my bff baby brother.

i get bothered by everything. the little innocent comments you make. the timely or untimely snorts, glares and sighs. the sarcasm, the what-the-fucks, the obligatory giggle. the truth-sessions where everyone bedek bedek come out of their shell and share things even idiots can figure out. it bothers me.

i don't laugh all the time ok. neither am i lame all the time. i just find obscure humour in everything. truth be told, i am a brooding gloomy little thing. sometimes i think maybe i have asperger's or something, just without the being-a-savant part.

yeah ok fine ill give myself some credit.

im out.