i wish i died

not that i'm suicidal or anything, oh no no. far from that. the girl's planning on not dying for a long time.

but, right now, i wish i could sleep forever and then wake up to defecate or something.

i'm tired. drained. wronged. maimed. discarded. whatever. anything. yeah!

fuck all the bigwigs. i've got big hair and it isn't fake. comprende amigo?

which compels me to make a public announcement in my not-so-public blog.

I SWEAR, ON ANYTHING THAT I CAN POSSIBLY SWEAR UPON, THAT I WILL NEVER EVER EVER ACT LIKE THE CLOGGED LITTLE RECTUMS I'VE MET.

fuck it. i'll smile. i'll nod. i'll be careful. i'll appear to be the subservient little juguhjang i am but i will never forgive for as long as i don't forget. i reckon i'll forget soon enough.

i'm not pissed or anything, since i don't seem to have the right to be. i'm some THING that's apart from the system that even my payday is two weeks later than everyone else's.

i. am. fed up. totally.

i probably am going to come out of this as some paranoid loser who's more jaded than before (gasp) and more bitter than the average 19 year old.

oh, seek thee, truth. ponder upon the blasphemy that is our life.

chris, i'm still alive. didn't think you'd, you know, still read the blog. i'll e-mail you or smth. or i don't know. i don't know what to do.

hahahahaha. but this whole entire thing is MY FAULT. i'll think of smth.