twisted.

i can't believe i'm really leaving.

i'm really leaving? i'm really leaving. i'm really leaving!

i know its a little conceited of me but i secretly like being asked to stay. so now, its not a secret anymore, is it? i thrive on being important. i mean, it's real nice, you know? especially when people go "caaaaaaat, why you goooo??? don't go lah. then how? who want to help me blah blah blah" and i mysteriously answer "but i have to lah."

waaaah aku suka, man!

yet, i can't help but feel miserable.

i've been looking through all the stupid videos and photos we've taken, tearing a little, sighing alot, wishing i didn't, you know. well. you know.

shit.

my last day's 3 days away and i already have knots in my stomach and my throat hurts like how it'll hurt when you're trying not to braaaaawl.

shiiit lah.

i doubt i was ever this emotional when i broke up with somebody. or when i had a tiff with somebody. or when i get silent treatments. or when i gave silent treatments. or when things get overwhelming. i thought i was heartless, man! now i know better.

i keep telling myself, i might as well leave now before i chalk up more happy/sad memories that make me more attached to the place than i already am.

but really, i like the melancholy at the same time.

i'm just glad i'm feeling this way. to tell you the truth, i'm mighty happy i found something that was so important to me, so impactful that i dread leaving so much. my time there was probably even more important than my time at pri or sec school. probably WILL BE more important than my time at poly, too. considering.

i could go on and on but then, you'd think i was an emo wuss, making a mountain out of a molehill. i could just go on and on, typing furiously the many random incidents we've had. how we laughed. how we fought. how i felt i wasnt being taken seriously when i first started running shifts. how i always made fun of our assistant manager's insatiable appetite. how mak mah would baby us when we whined and ranted. how we tricked benny, iven and raju into thinking we were all lesbians. how i found the mak ciks huddled in a corner in the kitchen, watching porn. how we cheered each other up with notes in the lockers, coded messages in the communication book and random surprises in the fridge. how we'd spill our innermost secrets to each other; what we feared, who we loved, why we were bitter, what we really thought we lived for, how we planned to make it big. oh, and how much we ate!

eh leh.

i'm getting too wistful for my liking. its not like they'll disappear right? =D

need to get a bag big enough for me to clear my locker. i even have a piggy bank there, can you believe it?