lacquered

if, for one day, we could take everything at face value without second guessing motives, underlying meanings and what have yous, the world would be a better place.

if, one day.

i have this hope that the multiple coats of lacquer on everyone would start to dull and peel off with time and we can finally truly say 'what you see is what you get'.

i celebrated my birthday for real today, one day after The Day. not that the 12th wasn't special or anything. it was, except for the working part. got a morning greeting from ZH, calling me 'majesty' and all that jazz. prolly the only person who can tahan AND layan my outrageously cmi jokes. steph got me a little cake with a candle in it and a message scrawled on the box saying 'happy 19th bday, babater. omedetto'. and, of course, the tradition of having to 'pull numbers' for 4d. i have such sweet, weird, important friends/sibs. the 11th was extraordinary as well, with a fabulous dinner and an even more fabulous company. of course, we ended up shopping as well, as usual.

i can't remember the last time i blew candles on a cake with the family. we're all so caught up in whatever it is we seemed to be caught up with the past few years. i can't even have a proper conversation with my baby brother without having this vile mixture of resentment and loathing being caught in my throat. and i love him so much that i can even hate him and get away with it. i truly am a monster, man.

but, well. i'll give him a hug later so that i can at least redeem myself a little. such a calculative move, cat you terrible glob of protoplasm. although, he seems to have forgotten the stupid things i said but i am very fucking guilty now :(

so, today, i had a heart-shaped strawberry mousse cake. i used to... strongly dislike strawberries AND mousse. my, how things have changed. and there were candles on it and i made a real wish. i'm trying hard not to sound like a wide-eyed girly girl but i made a real wish! it has to be the heart-shaped cake lah. it does something to you, makes you a little soft in the head.

and since i'm still soft in the head, i'm off to photoshop some photos i got. whether i'll post them is another thing.

but i'm happy.

19, cat. make it matter.